


Give in

by alex_taylor



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Classical Music, Crying, Daddy Kink, Endgame Oliver/Elio Perlman, Feelings, First Love, Happy Ending, M/M, Praise Kink, Size Difference, Size Kink, Slow Burn, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-02-28 10:54:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13269957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex_taylor/pseuds/alex_taylor
Summary: AU in which Elio is a first year student and he is absolutely not smitten by  his antique philosophy teacher. He doesn`t want to have him on his own and do whatever he says (or maybe he does).





	1. natura nihil frustra facit (nature does nothing in vain)

Elio wasn`t expecting much. Moving away from sunny Italy to the US he knew that he just couldn't expect much. He could not dream about having fun without his family and friends, not that he really wanted. In Italy he could run wild, but America restricted him from being like that focusing his full attention on studying. So when someone said " man, you should`ve seen Oliver Bergstein", he did not pay much attention.

"And again, why should I care?"

"No reason" his roommate shrugged.

He had a roommate, for crying out loud. If Chiara has heard that, she would've laughed right in his face.

"So what is the subject?" Elio asked in the matter of fact.

"The subject?"

"That Mr. Hotface teaches"

"Antique philosophy"

He had it second period, so he knew that their meeting was inevitable, even compulsory.

"I'm seeing him today"

"Oh you are? Lucky bastard" Jack laughed cheerfully. "Or not. I've heard that almost every girl around the campus got dibs on him already"

"Oh, really? Any luck with that?"

"Not that I've heard of"

"Fine then" Elio reacted grabbing his bag and leaving without any further conversation.

"See you home" Elio heard yelling back from his roommate "Asshole"

***

There were surprisingly lots of students in this course. First thing Elio noticed with a pleased grin - the amount of girls filling the room. They were all but whisper about their new professor, saying that "you should've heard his deep voice" or "when I saw him I could not believe that his was the author of work on Heraclitus". The guy sounded like a kind of dream-come-true material and Elio was almost sorry that he missed his lecture last week.

"Excuse me?" a high voice interrupted his train of thoughts. "Can I sit here?"

There was a clear Italian accent so Elio smiled, offering a girl to sit right next to him. She had long, dark hair and her lips were colored in pink. She was beautiful, Elio thought immediately.

"Thanks" the girl resumed. "I'm Marzia"

"Elio Perlman"

She smiled brightly, offering a handshake. With her olive shaded skin and confident grin she reminded him of home.

"Have you seen Oliver already? I have to give him back my reaction to the article he printed out for me.  
Can you imagine? He printed out a whole damn article"

Elio shrugged, trying to look as friendly as possible.

"And thank god he didn't give me the whole monograph, you know. It would be too much"

"Why?" Elio asked with an interest.

He didn't want her to stop talking, her voice sounded nice. And not that he already has many friends at university in general. Apart from Jack who was practically forced to hang out with him.

But then the door opened and slammed shut revealing a guy in a plain blue shirt and white jeans that fitted him in delicious manner.

"Good morning guys. We're about to begin" man's voice was rather enthusiastic; his clear blue eyes looked at the students with patience. It was not unfriendly but Elio somehow felt a knot tightening in his belly as the steel gaze landed upon him. It was like he made a mistake coming here.

"I'm seeing new faces. Nice to know that my classes have such a pleasant feedback"

Probably he paused to get more attention but it was totally unnecessary, the whole auditorium was completely silent. They were watching him getting his papers out, undoing and rolling up his sleeves and started talking about Diogenes. Or Plato, or Stilpo, one after another. He didn't have any fixed structure, giving them everything he thought was worth attention. Wanted to get them interested.

"You can learn about the whole period of time when you learn about philosophers" Mr Bergstein said as he looked with a glimpse of interest at Elio. Like he was offering to say something.

"Ab uno disce omnes" the boy returned.

He should've stopped himself but he couldn't. The words appeared by itself. It was from Aeneid by Virgil, he knew it. Mr Bergstein almost smiled when he heard them. He recognized them too. From one learn all it said.

"Exactly" the man nodded his way. It was only a split moment and Elio just looked down, kept listening.

***

"I need to talk to him" Marzia announced as the class was over. "Are you in a rush?"

"I can stay with you, no problem at all"

When they came closer Elio had an opportunity to openly stare at Oliver. Firstly he hasn’t seen the veins pumping up his arms, didn't pay attention to the little Star of David on his neck, showing to the world who he was. Elio was curious why he thought it was a good idea to show everyone such a private part of him. Personally, he didn't have that much of a confidence to let anyone know. He was only Jewish at home with his family where nobody else could see. For the rest of the world he was Italian. Period.

"I don`t think we`ve met last week. Come up" professor offered quietly but in a tone of no  
objection.

"Yes, I couldn't get here on time unfortunately"

"And how can I call you?"

"Elio. Perlman"

"Oh, Professor Perlman's son? I see. And I'm Oliver. Oliver Bergstein" he offered a hand and firmly shaked the boy's palm in his huge one.

It was very manly and tight, like was accepting him to some kind of brotherhood that Elio didn`t know about.

"I liked your lecture" Elio tried awkwardly as he tried to leave a good first impression.

Stern expression in the blue eyes softened, when he looked up from the paper he looked through to the students.

"I like the way you write" he said to Marzia "Very fresh"

Oliver didn't say anything else and Elio felt somehow stupid. He knew he should go. He probably interrupted their work so he tried to step back a little bit. It was something he never did. Usually he knew that he is welcomed to stay wherever he showed up but now it was just awkward to stay when he was not expected.

Without any further explanation he waved Marzia and went out.

***

"Wanna hangout tonight?" Jack asked the minute Elio entered the room.

"Where?"

"Leave it to me. We will go where lots of girls and booze and music are going on. Care to join?"

"I'm not sure. I need to..."

"Study, right" Jack interrupted. "If you stop getting busy yourself all the time you won't miss all the fun"

"Wise. I still need to go to the library though"

"Sure you do"

Jack started to fix his fridge as he spoke.

"OK, how about a compromise?" he looked at Elio in the mirror. "You'll go to the library and join me later? When I find us some classy girls, eh?"

"Good idea"

'If they will agree to your company of course' he wanted to add but didn't. Jack was a nice guy in a way. He was straightforward and didn't hide anything in his sleeve.

"Change this shirt mate it looks like shit" that was an immediate example. "Come on, you can do much better"

Elio smiled, reluctantly undressing himself.

"Come on, I've seen all of this already. How do you say it? Fucking andiamo"

Elio turned around laughing and shaking his head in the same time.

"What?"

"Would you be so kind not to tell me to fucking andiamo? Your accent is terrifying mate"

"You will stay here and nerd around all night long of I'm not. So get dressed. It should be something plain but with a statement"

"What kind of statement?"

"The 'I haven't shagged anyone in weeks' statement"

"Oh so we go with the same one this time, yeah?"

"Cute. Wait" Jack stopped Elio as he threw his pale pink shirt at him "This will do. Take it on"

"OK, so..."

"Yes, you have to do your hair. Obligatory, right"

"Fine, you can go now"

"See you at 9, sugar tits"

***

When he entered the library there was already half past seven. He wasn't paying much attention at the humble amount of people there. Of course, at first weeks of fall you won't see a lot of students there.  
Student’s pub was more preferable these times.

Occupied with his mental dialogue about how awkward he looks all dressed up in the library he didn't notice a man standing right in front of him.

"Merda, scusa" Elio muttered under his breath.

Of course it was Oliver from all the people. Who else would be it the library on Friday?

"It's okay" the man answered. "It's rare for someone not to see me though"

Elio looked at him at his finest seductive way biting off a sarcastic response that crossed his mind right away. Who does he think he is?

"Sorry"

It didn't matter anymore, Elio figured. Because next minute professor was already occupied with his book, walking to sit at his table. He didn`t want to talk – fine, Elio didn`t want either. Not that he was here on a date. He came to look through Brahms and he will.

And if he couldn`t stop eyeing Oliver from time to time it was because he wanted to be left alone, that was it. If he wanted company then he could`ve stayed at the dormitory. Oliver read about Alexander the Great none or less. And Elio just wanted to spend some time not worrying about this tall stalker he had.

He was still at this stupid blue shirt that showed off his biceps – so what. He had this pensive expression and his eyebrows were furrowed like he read something incredibly sad. Well, it was not a big deal; Brahms was also kind of frustrating.

Elio lowered his head to his sheet music book trying to pay much attention. He had to present it tomorrow, so soon he succeeded, concentrating at his book entirely. The sound of the chair being put forward distracted him.

He looked over at Oliver who sat down next to him. He also had roman poetry collection at his table now and a cup of coffee standing next to him.

Elio was the one who spoke up first.

“And here I am thinking that you shouldn`t have drinks at the library”

“You shouldn`t” Oliver agreed. “Don`t do this ever again” he added in whisper, offering him his coffee.

Elio`s lips curved into a weak smiled as he had a glance on their arms. The petit one with delicate fingers and pale skin and another one right next to it. Another one laid beside him – manly, he could say even rugged. The hand that was used to physical labor. The hand that could split you in half if he wanted to.

“I need to go” Elio said suddenly, grabbing his books. “It`s getting late”

He knew he shouldn`t explain himself but it was a polite thing to do. The other one was to stop staring at Oliver`s broad shoulders and he could easily do without them, thank you very much.

“You`re right. Tell me this. Will you get to your dormitory safe?”

Elio looked at his feet without meeting the steel glance of pale blue eyes.

“Sure”

It seemed like it was not something Oliver believed because he looked at him almost expectantly. Like he wanted him to ask for a walk home. But Elio was not the type of guy who begged.

“Okay then” Oliver shrugged finally. “Later”


	2. sapere aude (dare to know)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one in which Elio needs to know that "ad oculus" means

Later. Like a smack of whip. Emotionless, neutral. Like "oh, I'm done with this conversation for now, later". Elio didn't know what it was - the fact that he felt unworthy or the fact that he was completely rejected off the reason but when he came to the dorm he was ready for anything. 

"Hey, man" Tompson cheered. "Let me introduce you Charlotte and Danielle"

"Buona sera ladies" 

He said it loud and proud. He knew he was being ridiculous but he couldn't stop. The music was loud enough and it helped to clear off his mind for a moment or two. The girls were beautiful - like Jack has promised. They were sitting in their room like they belonged here, all three of them.

"Ciao, Elio!" Marzia chimed in, kissing his cheek and giving him a quick hug. "Having fun tonight?"

She was unexpectedly here and Elio didn't know how to even ask why and when she met Jack. But then again, when everyone meets Jack? It's kind of his inborn capabilities.

"Yeah. Honestly you look amazing" he gave her a significant once-over and smiled. “What a nice little sweater”

It was surely too cocky of him but he needed that. One thing he knew for sure - to win a girl over you should take risks and be attentive. Attentive and not creepy he remembered, so he asked what she wanted to drink and went aside with Jack. 

"So how do you know this little bird? She came all the way here after I mentioned your name"

"We take philosophy together. You know, the one with Mr. Hotshot"

"Hotshot, huh? I thought you'd like him"

"Why did you think that?"

"Because everybody does" Jack sang it out with extensive gestures, nudging him. 

"Well he's not even my type to begin with"

"What do you mean? I saw your sketches you know. He fits perfectly to all of that Greek gods theme and stuff"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Elio muttered as he started to look for a diet coke for Marzia.  
"Do we have any diet coke by the way?"

Jack looked at him significantly.

"How do you think? Do we?" 

"Man, we're screwed”

"We only have diet pizza, ginger" Tompson grinned. "And wait for it. Let me see. And this, what were the odds!"

"Is that weed? Man" the boy laughed. "Where were you earlier? My night could've been drastically different"

"Well I couldn't take this to the library you know"

"Oh, merda! You are my savior" 

"You say it to everyone who gives you weed" Jack sobbed theatrically. "And all I want is a little - oh, fuck - attention" 

"Careful, man" 

They made a few drags, waiting the stuff to kick in. Funny thing that they've smoked together just like that the first night they've met, sitting in the kitchen and talking about their families and homes. Elio remembered how he swore in Italian when Jack told him his hometown stories and how Jack admitted that that was the sexiest way to curse. 'Honesty, man, if I were I girl'. The boy laughed hysterically looking back at that now.

"Hey, c'mere" Jack saw that Elio began to undo the collar of his shirt. There was too hot in here.

"No! You stay fully clothed. Your girl is like in the next room, suck it up" 

Elio pouted.

"I want to sleep" the strands of hair fell on his eyes making him look even hazier. "Please. Can I go now?"

"No. Not when you look fine as fucking wine. And stop with all of that. You know you can't have me whipped just with a snap of your bloody fingers"

"I wasn't doing anything at all. And man fine as wine?" Elio laughed from the counter he sat on. He made couple of drags and laughed some more. His jeans were uncomfortably tight and his head was spinning. "I have Brahms tomorrow, you know?"

"You have hot chick a room apart now"

"Told you I'm not interested. Can I tell you something? A secret?"

"Yeah, what now?"

"I don't like girls. They are lovely, but I don't feel anything here" Elio pointed to his chest. "I don't like them, you know?"

"You're gonna be the death of me I swear"

Elio almost felt guilty, but Jack resumed.

"Anyways, I'm out. Choose whatever you want but I'll send Marzia your way"

"Oh, come on. Stay with me for a bit"

"Later, bro, later"

He smiled. Why does this 'later' felt differently? 

He looked at the lonely little light which appeared as he inhaled some more. 

"Hey" Marzia said and it was the last thing he remembered correctly. There were some dancing, the music was loud and his head was heavy. He felt the heat, sweat and tap water splashed on his face. He almost unbuttoned his shirt till the end but Jacks words made some sense upon him. Every time he wanted to get away from this, all he remembered that he shouldn't. A nice little girl was so close to him right now, whispering something in Italian and touching his neck. 

"Are you okay? You're shaking" he found himself muttering. 

"No I'm not" Marzia whispered back. "It's you. How wasted are you, boy?"

He didn't know what to answer so he did what he thought was right at that moment. He leaned in and kissed her right at her lips. He let her run her fingers through his curls, feel his hot breath as he touched her lips. He tried to be gentle, the way he wanted to be treated if he was at her place. Suddenly he squeezed her thighs with both hands as an invitation to go further and she almost obliged, but then broke their kiss.

"No, stop"

"Ok, but why?"

"I need to go. My roommate probably worries about me"

He knew that was not the reason but he wasn't the one to demand. Something was telling him he could have her now, but he didn't want badly enough.

"It's ok. We have all time in the world" he comforted her with a calm confidence. "Do you believe me?"

"Yes"

'And do you believe yourself, Elio?'

"See you tomorrow, ok?"

"Ok" she kissed him on the cheek shyly. 

"Do you want me to walk you back home?" that's how you do it, Oliver. You just offer.

"No, I'm fine"

And that's how you get rejected right after. Interesting, would he reject Oliver as well? If he offered the same. What the hell was he thinking about?

"Elio, I'm fine, really"

"And I'll walk you anyways"

She couldn't deny the fact it would happen by his voice. Politeness was one thing, but he couldn't have he unsafe just because she played shy. So he manned up, put on his leather jacket and held her hand. It was how it should be.

***

He hasn't seen Oliver till Wednesday. It was a terribly rainy day and after him studying all night long he couldn't care less running to his auditorium not to be terribly late. Elio hasn't succeeded, hearing Oliver from the outside of doors. 

So he smoothed down his shirt, tried - and failed - to fix up his hair and unsurely knocked. 

"Yeah?" a familiar voice acknowledged loudly. 

"Sorry, I'm late"

"Mr. Perlman" the man nodded, giving him a cold look and gesturing for him to come in. "As I was saying, we can't separate Greek philosophy with its culture"

"Hey, babe" Marzia smacked his lips as he sat down.

"What did I miss?" he whispered. 

"Not much" 

"I know what you probably think - 'what can you say that we don't already know about mythology'" Oliver's eyes landed at the first raw girls. "Am I right?"

Ladies eagerly agreed, listening to him in awe. Then he raised up his hand asking them all to think about their favorite Greek myths. 

"Tell me please the first one that came to your mind"

And here they were. Variations of all hinted myths with a strong sense of longing after their professor in their diversity. 

"Oh how I cried over the story of Pyramus and Thisbe" one girl sighed and watched Oliver's gaze. "The classical Romeo and Juliet story, don`t you think?"

He nodded.

"Could you die for love like this?"

Elio felt sorry for him, but it was kind of entertaining watching how uncomfortable he got. 

"Tell us, please" the other girl said and Elio had to bite his lips not to react.

"Probably. I don't know yet. I haven't… had a chance to be honest"

"What do you mean? Haven't you been in love?" Marzia of all people asked.

"Let's just say radix malorum est cupiditas"

"The root of evil is desire" Elio whispered back to Marzia. 

"Ok, so back to our subject, there were a lot of people who was asking themselves all of these important questions too. So let's get down to them"

***

Elio stood in silence. There was so quite he could feel his own breath. 

"Radix malorum est cupiditas" the boy said in the small voice, searching for the lighter. He had to smoke before his next period, and the fact that he found this quiet window corner was like a call of destiny to him. 

He was standing watching windy weather from the inside and thought about how cold would his way home be. Not just physically cold though. He felt this tremendous sense of loneliness that was with him almost every time he closed his eyes. 

His back was aching, desired to be touched. To be grabbed, squeezed like a straw, a boneless puppet by someone who knows what to do about it. With his big demanding hands and inpatient touches setting how exactly will it be. Will he be on his knees, will he kneel on all fours. Just to please, just to show some respect. To tempt his man to go further, to lure his complete ease. He wanted someone to call his name with aspiration; he wanted to pray not to stop. And when he prayed, he wanted someone to take, and take, and take. For his own pleasure, to use him like he aches to be used. 

Elio felt his cock through his jeans, his breath hitched. He inhales the smoke, sucking up his cheeks as much as he could. He knew he wanted more. 

He was so caught up in his thoughts he didn't notice the footsteps at first and that he wasn't alone anymore.

"Sorry?" Oliver said hoarsely. "Didn't know you were here"

Elio remained silent as he kept smoking. He watched his professor taking out his own pack of cigarettes and looking for the lighter. 

"I can give you if you want" the boy said. 

"Yes, please" Oliver took the cigarette and placed it between his lips, holding with two fingers. "Give me a hand"

If someone asked, Elio didn't know why his hands were trembling when he tried to make his lighter work. Oliver wasn't much of a help as well, he just watched the boy suffered, as to say 'you wanted to, so come on, do it'. 

"Thanks" he finally pronounced and inhaled. 

"So" Oliver continued. "How unprofessional is it now?"

Elio wasn't sure what he was referring to. The fact that they smoked together in the dark empty room or the fact that he was still painfully hard. 

"Fine" he shrugged instead. 

After some silent moments Oliver said:

"You were quite today"

"At the lecture?" Elio saw him nodding. "Didn't feel like talking. There were lots of opinions but mine"

"Right. You can tell me yours now"

Elio didn't know what he wanted to hear. 

"About what?" he was thinking a bit, then he continued "And what if...what if I want to know your answer?"

"There is a word for that" Oliver lowered his head to speak closer "Cheating"

Elio laughed to ease the tension. 

"Divertente" his voice was way too slow for the word 'funny' and he had no shame admitting that.

"Grazie" 

"So what is the answer, professor?"

Oliver gave him a quick once-over, looking in his eyes without a word. He threw away his cigarette. 

"Ad oculos. I figured you are pretty fluent in Latin. So what do you think I said?" 

"Ad oculos?" Elio frowned. "To all eyes?" 

Oliver shook his head. 

"No. Tell me later. Maybe when you figure it out"

"Later" Elio echoed as Oliver turned around.

"Later" he said over his shoulder.


	3. Scio (I know)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one in which Elio learns more about Ganymede and Zeus

He wandered slowly through the room, nodding to the phone. His jeans were hanging so low under the waist line that if Jack went in, he would've thought he talked to some chick. Marzia was the best guess.

The thing about Jack is that he truly believe in everything you have to offer.

Speaking of offers Elio should've put some shirt on.

"Comunque, papà» he interrupted suddenly."I have to go. Tell grandma I say hi"

"Sure, darling. Say hello to Oliver! I hope the university will do without him when he visits me sometime"

"Oh, dad" Elio hesitates for a moment.

He doesn't know what to do - if he asks directly it will cause suspicion, and if he doesn't - he'll die because of overthinking. "How do you know him by the way? You haven't told me much about him before"

"He was one of my students. A little shy of course, but very good mannered"

"Oh yeah?"

"Also his father and I went to the same cheder. He's a really intelligent boy, if you ask me, you should have a closer look at him"

"He's my teacher dad"

"And how does he teach? Is everything clear?"

"Yes, but only..."

"Yes?"

"I was wondering. Could you tell me please what 'ad oculus' means from Latin? It suddenly slipped out my mind"

"Well, as far as I remember it means 'it’s obvious to anyone that sees'. But you can look it up to be sure, too. Is that for your project?"

"No, just for me. Thank you anyway"

"Love you, talk to you later. Ciao!"

"Ciao papà"

Elio nonchalantly scratched his arm. He wasn't sure why Oliver told him that phrase. He didn't understand him, his behavior caused so much questions. Including the main one - why Elio felt the need to find out. He wasn't interested at all, this man and his cold share intimidated him, and there were no clue he wanted him too.

Elio stretched his bones up.

The boy like Elio could hardly like someone as cold and emotionless. He liked passion, chasing around, walking on the thin ice. Oliver was unwilling or unable to do both of these things, Elio supposed.

The boy stood in front of the mirror, closely watching himself with curious eyes. He brushed his hair with his fingers squeezed them hardly, throwing his head back.

"Why do I care?" he moaned desperately.

He pushed his fridge back, almost screaming but stopping himself.

"Why do I want this?" his hands petted his stomach, feeling warm and smooth skin underneath his fingertips.

He didn't know the answer but he wanted to know. He feels his breath hitches as he carefully unbuttons and pushes his jeans down till they hit the floor. He turns around, looking at his shoulder blades. His bones don't have much skin on it; he knows he should eat more. He sees that his wrists are too small, thighs too skinny.

Elio felt with fingers his hips, slowly leading to the center of his briefs. He licked his lips, taking two of his fingers teasingly in the mouth.

"Why do I care" Elio moaned helplessly as he touched his full hardness.

"I don't want him" the moan was muffled with a hard smack. His cheek was bright pink now. He deserved it.

"Oh merda" he lightly squeezed his balls, returning to his cock afterwards. He was cut, it made him harder to come. And who was cut too? Oliver. With his Star of David, hanging on his wide and hairy chest and perfectly visible through his thin blue shirt. How will it feel – strip him down and licking it all over?

Working slowly, with pleasure. Does he scream when someone kisses his nipples, does his breath hitches when someone licks his salty skin all over? Does he lose control when someone worships his stomach, biting into his skin? Will he have his hands roughly in someone's hair while they give him...

"A blowjob" Elio breaths out in haze.

How does his cock fill in the mouth? Is it warm and solid? Does he make someone choke with it, beg for it, filling up their mouth with saliva? Because it feels like the most delicious treat. Does Oliver like it when his lover is so eager to take that he can't care to breathe anymore?

What if Elio play coy with him? If he'll flirt with someone else in front of him? Will he haunt him and teach him a lesson? Or won't react at all, wanting Elio to come in his own will?

"To come" his strokes began to be harder and faster. Like he was punishing himself for the thoughts he didn't know how to stop. He imagined that stern look of the blue eyes while he was punishing him. How strictly he would rip off his clothes to spank him mercilessly.

"Stop it, stop it, please" he pleaded, almost crying. "No, please"

His hand were working faster and he grabbed his neck with another one. He wasn't breathing in, wanting to feel it all. How Oliver would do it to him with the strong hands of his.

He coughed and worked faster, touching his cock with special attention. Like he wanted him to come.

“Oliver” he cried. “Oliver, Oliver, Oliver…”

He fell to his knees, coming. His head was spinning and he concentrated on breathing now. He was  
screwed.

***

"Nice shirt" Marzia stated, looking at Elio pleased.

"Thank you" he smiled back.

The hours of deciding paid off, he chose the white one. He looked like an innocent schoolboy wearing his shirt and black jeans. The shirt belonged to Jack, so the sleeves were rolled up and it was just a bit too long, hanging freely on his thighs.

"I wanted to ask...maybe you want to come to my dorm today?"

Elio looked at her incredulously.

"I thought we could hang out, you know"

"Oh, just the two of us?"

She nodded.

"If you want to"

He looked in his arms, fiddling with his braided bracelet.

"I can't. I have to go to the library today. Perdonami"

"Va bene" she said with a shrug.

Marzia started to talk about the movie that's about to come out and he nodded, listening half heartedly. His eyes were tracking around the hall they stood in. When he noticed Oliver, he felt his guts tighten so he cupped her face in hands, leaned in and kissed her. He held her waist and pulled her closer, working as passionate as he could. He felt her tongue and groaned, like she understood the game he was playing.

They broke apart the moment Oliver came to them and Elio looked cocky, almost daring him to say something.

"Didn't see you coming" the boy said finally faking innocence in his voice.

"It's ok" Oliver said with a smile. "It was me who stood in the way of love"

He didn't stop in his tracks so Elio decided to run after him literally.

"My father asked about you" he cried out.

"He did?"

"Yes. He said something about you visiting him this winter" Elio wants to specify because he's coming home for Hanukkah and he is curious will Oliver be there then.

"Oh, right. I promised"

Elio nodded. They walked in silence until they got to the right auditorium.

"Actually I wanted to ask you something" Oliver said out of the sudden.

"Yes?"

"No, nevermind"

"Ask me. Because it's obvious to anyone that sees that you want to" Elio watched Oliver's grin showed up on his face and was very pleased with himself for that.

The boy wanted to ask lots of things. Like will he go to the library today? Did he notice that Elio spent a lot of time on his looks? Did he enjoy that poetry book he took because Elio read it too? Instead of that, he just stood there watching his smile and he was ready for him to walk away.

Because that was what he did. With his usual 'later' he just turned around and left.

***

The library was half empty as usual. Elio knew he wouldn't come even without analyzing it too much. He just had this feeling in his stomach that didn't go away. Like he knew exactly what Oliver did and it had nothing to do with him.

That is why he decided to go to the local store first. It wasn't so far from the library and Elio just wanted to buy some snacks for him to study better. 'Sugar always makes everything a little bit better' was a favorite saying of their housemaid. She was the source of wisdom, Elio thought.

He was looking at different kinds of cookies, wondering if Mafalda could make them better. He missed her.

"Need some help?" Oliver asked loudly behind him.

Elio almost laughed, what were the chances. His heart was racing as he awkwardly turned around.

"I'm good thanks" Elio said in a calm voice.

He had a quick glance at all the stuff Oliver has in his basket. "Having a get together tonight?"

"Yeah"

He said it looking pointedly, like Elio should've known what he was talking about.

"That's great" Elio continued nonchalantly. "Last Friday you were studying though"

"Right"

"Haven't found the one to light up your candle so to say?"

Oliver smiled, dimples appeared on his cheeks.

"Shabbat shalom, Elio" he said looking at his eyes.

"Shabbat shalom"

They spared a warm eyes for the first time they've met, the boy thought. His face looked different for a moment. Like they weren't a student and his teacher, like they were some sort of friends... family.

Being a Jew in the US you can find yourself someone to talk to, but no one understands you but someone truly like you. That is why Oliver knew Elio figured out his Friday plans with such an ease. That was something he experienced for a thousand times when he was little.

Elio didn't know what else to say but Oliver weren't rushing anywhere this time.

"I assume you chose to mark out this day with your clothes"

"What do you mean?"

"Your shirt"

Oliver touched his own chest so Elio looked down at his button up.

"Oh, yeah. And with festive cookie" he raised up his hand jokily. "Non-kosher I'm afraid"

"Rules means nothing to you kid?"

Elio shrugged, looking down at his shoes. He liked the way Oliver teased me, the way he showed his other side. He wasn't the object of everyone's obsession now, standing in front of Elio and asking which cabbage he should have.

"What do you think?"

"This one is perfect"

"Ok, so we can swiftly move on"

Even though he doesn't get the offer, Elio goes with him, maintaining a decent amount of small talk about the start of the semester and fall.

"So how do you enjoy being here?"

"Better than home" Elio lied. "I can do whatever I want"

"And what do you do?"

"I play music, draw, read books"

"Sounds like a proper fun, I must say"

"You should take one of these" Elio said confidently, pointing at the sweets section. "Or will the hostess of the night cook all of that?"

He was being silly but couldn't hold himself not to ask.

"Yes, but it would be off the list" Oliver smiled, looking down at his piece of paper.

The list is quite extensive, Elio must admit.

"And what about the flowers? Would she like a nice bunch of flowers?"

"I suppose. But I can't remember where's the best flower shop down here"

"That’s ok, I remember. We can go together"

"Sure, thank you"

They've discussed the weather, the modern history, the meaning of some of Italian idioms. Elio was so comfortable he even told about his recently read book.

"It's called De Profundis, by Oscar Wilde"

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Yes, è una delle lettere d'amore più belle di tutti i tempi"

"One of the most beautiful love letters of all times?" Oliver clarified slowly. "I have to agree with you on that. I couldn't say better."

Elio was glad he read it too.

"Love, hate and pure art met there. Funny enough that the whole letter was dedicated to a man. The man he admired and who betrayed him, who abused him"

Oliver nodded, showing Elio to go on. But he didn't. He uncovered a lot of his inner self already, wanting Oliver to join in.

"Not all of the stories about passion and love end bad" professor said at last. "Like the story of  
Ganymede, you know. He was raised above to serve gods because of his beauty and grace"

"Is that the story about Zeus and Ganymede if I'm not mistaken?" Elio felt his heart race rising.

"Yes. However, it would be socially unacceptable in our times"

"Why is that?" he asked as if he didn't know the answer.

"Because Zeus was adult man and Ganymede was a teenage boy"

"Like seventeen maybe?" Elio looked if Oliver's face changes, but it stayed totally unreadable as he nodded.

"It's not right, I must admit" the boy said as purely as he could. "To take someone else's innocence"

"There is a chance he wasn`t innocent though"

"Oh yeah?"

"He was too pretty for that. The prettiest boy Zeus has ever seen" his voice became a few octaves lower as he said the last words and Elio was too afraid to even breath to ruin the moment.

"Is he?"

"He is often depicted quite androgynous if you ask me. With his long curly hair, his body is nice and lean"

"Do you think Zeus prefered someone who was lean?"

"Maybe he thought it would be better to push him around this way. To dominate him"

Elio wanted to scream. His walk was slowed down, he felt the hardness of his cock so deliciously painful. Like Oliver spoke directly to it without realizing.

"Couldn't he dominate someone else?" Elio tries his best to stay chill as he asks. "He had almost anyone in his disposal"

"He could, but he wanted to dominate him"

"And maybe... that was what Ganymede wanted?"

"What?"

"To be pushed around" the boy said shyly. "To feel a strong man beside him. To be protected maybe"

"Yes, but how could he be so reckless falling for older man?"

"He could... if the man fell for him too"

Oliver didn`t say a word so Elio decided to continue.

“You said Ganymede looked androgynous?”

“I did”

“Was it because he wanted to feel himself as a man and a woman in the same time?”

“Yes, I thought so too. But I don't think that we should talk about it today, Elio" the way he said his name was something between menacing and caring. Elio didn't know anyone who called him like that; his heart was ready to stop.

"Is it here?" the voice called out of these thoughts.

"Yes. The shop is not big but it’s nice"

"Thank you for showing”

“Have a nice evening, Mr. Bergstein” Elio shrugged like he didn`t care much that it was their time to separate. “Shabbat shalom”

“Shabbat shalom, Perlman”


	4. ad quod damnum (to whatever damage)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one in which Elio is not a Dorian Gray

They haven`t talked anymore. It was barely noticeable at first, but soon enough Elio understood when he had an urge to say something, to deny or support Oliver`s opinion, he should stay silent. Because he wasn`t one of these laughing-at-every-joke type of guy, he didn`t admire Oliver`s attires all the time, he didn`t care to. He saw all of his fans in the auditorium and was almost embarrassed to act like one of them. 

That is why every time the boy had a witty response to Oliver's words he just looked at him, meeting his clever eyes and that was it. Like Oliver knew what he wanted to say. Like it caused physical pain to stay silent, but he couldn't do anything about it. The boy just couldn't be that easy to get, he had his respect. 

The only thing Elio did - he came to their smoking place when he had time, same as he went to the library. But Oliver wasn't there most of times. And if he was, he was never alone, always surrounded by either student of teacher. Elio didn't know what else to do, but when he thought about an attempt to come talk to him after classes, he was secretly afraid of being met by indifference. Like he was one the   
students Oliver barely knew. So he didn't, leaving with Marzia the moment the lecture was over.

***

"Ciao, Elio!" Marzia cheerfully greeted as he came to her dormitory. 

They hung out much more now as he knew he'd be welcomed anytime. His dad couldn't be more proud - finally his boy found some company, finally he went out more frequently. 

So another guy at Marzia's room is the thing that confused him this day. Normally she didn't like big companies and strangers and Elio couldn't recollect this guy from their previous encounters. 

He hello-kissed Marzia confidently, like he did a thousand times before. Like in animal's world the rules were the same: you couldn't show another male you're scared.

Especially this guy who`s sitting on top of her bed, being cheeky and smiling at him like he wasn't any kind of a burden. 

"Elio, please meet Mark. Mark, it's my... "

"Elio Perlman" the guy interrupted, offering him a hand. "I've seen you around"

"Sweet" Elio returned, giving him a firm handshake. The 'stay away from my girlfriend and I' kind.

They sat in silence for a moment, Elio didn't know how to threaten Marzia’s new infatuation so he decided to be cool and have a smoke. 

"You can't smoke here!"

Okay, so he wasn't even allowed to smoke here. In was getting odd because this guy didn't seem to care watching Elio closely as he was some kind of art piece. 

"Anyway, Mark wanted to ask you something, be nice"  
He raised his eyebrows, showing that he's ready whatever it could be. 

"So I study fine arts" the guy says. "And I've seen your Bach piece recently and I think it went great, such a difficult author to play"

"Thank you"

"And I talked to professor Bergstein about it" Elio tried to stay completely normal when this name was so casually mentioned. "And he said I should talk to you"

"Talk about what exactly?" Elio was finally getting curious. "You want me to teach you some piano lessons?"

"Oh, no, it would be too much" the boy waved off with a laugh. "I couldn't ask you for that. What I mean is that you looked truly fantastically that day. You know, with that black shirt and hair, and everything"

"Thank you" Elio tried one more time with an encouraging smile. 

It was getting awkward though, this kind of flirtation in front of his girlfriend. Marzia was the one to spoke out then.

"Ok, so Mark anticipates in this art thing, and basically he needs whom he'll draw"

"Someone who'll model me" Mark said in a rush. 

Elio was sure that he read the situation correctly but he decided to ask just to seem not so eager.  
"He wants to draw you, Marzia? It's so nice of you to ask, but I don't think you need my permission for that"

"I want to draw you"

"Say again?" Elio asked his green eyes flashed with curiosity.

"I need a male model. And I thought you'd be great at this department. With your cheekbones and all"  
Elio smiled a little amazed. This guy was so confident with his expressions that it astonished him. 

"So you want to draw me? For your project?"

"If you don't mind"

"Let's see. Am I supposed to be naked in this picture?"

"Elio!" Marzia laughed, kicking him. 

"I was just wondering. From his professional point of view"

Mark looked flustered and it was so endearing to watch that he was about to offer the beginning of his striptease but stopped, limiting himself with:

"I can give you my number. To figure everything out. If you want" he shrugged. 

The boy nodded.

***

He didn't know why, but Mark became a part of his daily routine pretty fast. They met after classes and spoke about art, music, university. They spoke with a bit of tension and awkwardness because Elio couldn't decide was he attracted to him or not. They even had some words about Oliver - not because Elio asked, but because Mark stated: "he wants to see what I'll come up with". 

Oliver...not seeing him day by day made Elio so irritated. Oliver thought so high of himself that he didn't even want to stop and talk to Elio! It was unacceptable, completely rude of him.

He was so angry out of the reason that he switched his full attention to Mark. He did it for many reasons and not to think about Oliver was not on top of the list, he assured himself. 

"So have you decided on the idea yet?"

"No not really. In has to be something Halloween-related. I know it sounds stupid, but I'm not the one who set the rules"

Elio pushed him with his shoulder, as to say 'it's ok, you'll do great'. 

"I'm lucky that I already have you" Mark's face lightens up a bit, looking at Elio sneakily.

The boy got used to Mark's compliments; he somehow felt he was earnest at what he was saying. Even when Elio didn't see it himself, Mark tried to persuade him in his beauty all the time.

"My proposition about being naked full-frontal is still on" Elio said as they went to the art auditorium. 

"You know, Michelangelo style"

It was their first attempt to draw so he was a bit nervous. 

"No, Oliver will skin me alive if I do so"

"And why would he care?"

Mark shrugged. 

"He can't tell you what to do. Or me"

"Well, actually, he can. He's my uncle, you know"

"Then you're right" the boy laughed.

Elio was struck about him being his uncle. But not so much, the only guy he could stand here was of course somehow related to his worst enemy. He couldn't just leave him alone, could he?

"Are you OK, Elio?"

"Yeah, I have an idea actually. If you don't mind" 

"That's great! Tell me" Mark was breathing heavily, he was moving his canvas in the center of the room. 

"Well, I gave it a thought, and I could be a victim of someone for example. Or, you know...this demon...succubus? The one who had intercourses with sleeping women"

Mark looked at him, shaking his head with a smile. 

"I thought succubus was a female"

"Well we can make it like we see it. Was there any male demon like that?"

"Can't recollect now but we can go to the library and find out if you want. We've got time"

Elio nodded, being ready to get off. He wasn't sure why but he wanted to be someone with the power. 

The idea of being a victim was too easy for him to accept, he wanted to challenge himself though. That was what he said Mark as they were heading to the library.

He was so up his thoughts that he didn't notice Oliver until Mark shouted after him. 

"I'll go get the books" Elio said without even sparing the glance with the man. 

His interest was all on succubus and his analogues, not on what Oliver did there on Friday night again.

'Maybe his girlfriend was somewhere else tonight' he thought briefly, looking through the pages of antique history.

"Mark! Found it" he whisper-shouted, coming to the artist. 

"Yeah, how it's called?"

"Incubus" he reads out proudly. "The demon that disturbs and seduces women in their sleep. I think it might suit the idea"

"Well yeah, maybe. Even though I'm not sure I saw kids trick or treating looking like that" Mark said as he pointed at the book page. 

Oliver took a look as well, clear amusement in his eyes. Elio stood there praying he wouldn't say a word about it. He didn't want to talk to him, didn't want to see him.

"Well let's think about something else" Elio said, looking up right at the pale blue eyes. 

He wanted to stop himself but he couldn't. He couldn't stop starring at this calm ocean, feeling his lungs on fire and the only thing that could help him was there, slowly killing him instead. He saw him expressionless, he observed Elio as well, looking at his eyes then lips. 

He needed to breathe in, needed to get away, but he seemed to forget how to function all together.

"Mark" Oliver said finally without breaking off his visual contact with Elio. "What about that Cannibal idea you had? I liked how you put it: 'you can't tell it with his looks but this boy can ruin you completely. Without a flinch'. Was it how you said it?"

Elio gulped. 

"You did?"

"Don't get me wrong" Mark started apologetically. "You're a very nice guy"

"Thank you. So what gives me away then?"

"I don't know. The passion you play with maybe. Like you have something hidden deep inside you"

"Like a serial killer" Elio smiled finally to break the tension. "Thank you very much"

The idea was brilliant he had to admit. He knew what Mark was talking about - those feelings really appeared only when he played, because he could let go of himself completely, he relied on his feelings and wasn't thinking anything at all. 

"I think you got it right" Elio said in a moment. "We should definitely do Hannibal" 

***

"What do you want me to do?"

"Just be yourself" Mark said as he was choosing colors he needed. "You'll be great anyway"

The atmosphere was set by a glass of wine standing next to him, the white old-fashioned shirt and pants he wore, his hair being pushed up. If someone came there, he would've thought they were doing a proper art. Elio slowly pushed forward the apple to Mark, holding it with both hands. 

"So what symbolizes the apple?"

"Well, nothing" the guy chuckled. "I will paint a human`s heart instead of it"

"Like I`m holding a heart?"

"You worth non less then that"

Elio nodded in a blush, looking at Mark's serious expression. 

"Is there something wrong?" 

"No-no, we're about to begin. I was thinking maybe you can be half-naked, you know. To create the tension" 

Elio bit his lower lip with fake seduction. 

"You'll get all the tension from my face, amore"

Mark chuckled, asking him to stand up. Their work was about to begin.

***

When he saw the picture for the first time he was speechless. The boy depicted there stared at him piercingly, saying that he`ll come for you tonight because he planned. He was in the middle; the black and white color scheme predominated. Mark emphasized contours purposely, showing where he ended and where the dark room began. Like Elio was waiting for somebody to come, he knew somebody would come tonight. 

Dark colors of his outfit and shadows on his face were even oppressive because the next thing you saw was anatomical heart in his palms. He held it as pure evidence that was it. He didn`t care to eat it just showing what he`s done. It was all in his eyes – this desire, this madness. Even his cruelty.  
Elio couldn`t watch. He practically ran away, rushing to the place he craved to be now. He couldn`t handle it. Elio ran with his mind clouded, didn`t see anyone around. 

"Hello" he whispered quietly as he stepped into his usual spot. 

"Hello, Elio"

"What is it?" Oliver asked then, looking at his trembling hands. 

Elio just shook his head, trying to light up his cigarette. 

"Here, let me"

He knew he was on the verge of hysterics. His hands were dead cold and trembling, his eyes were empty and dull. He felt he stomach hurt, he was panting out of the reason. 

"Elio? What is it?" Oliver repeated with pressure. "Tell me. Tell me now"

"Can I not?"

He made a couple drags in a raw and looked at Oliver with watery eyes. What a mess he was now. 

"I`m a mess" he said with a humorless chuckle. "I`m so sorry. I didn`t know someone would be here"

Oliver wasn`t looking at him at all, he put out his cigarette in silence and Elio was glad. He wanted to be alone. He was so scary at that picture, he frightened himself with himself. If it was real him, he didn`t want people to see him like this. He desperately wanted to cry, so Oliver could go now because he wasn`t there to be sexy or to play. He was there because he felt weakness in his every bone. 

Oliver turned around to go so Elio shut his eyes, but then the pair of hands surrounded him, squeezing his back tightly. In was like massive warm bear attacked him, covering him completely without a chance of letting go. But it was too late, Elio was shaking, his cheeks went hot and wet with tears. 

"Shh" Oliver whispered. "Calm down"

"No" the boy mouthed helplessly. 

"Calm down"

He felt Oliver`s fingers stroking his hair, squeezing them tightly afterwards. Elio placed his hands on Oliver`s back insecurely, like he didn`t know if he was allowed to. Feeling a soft material of his shirt, it felt so surreal. Why was he even there? He hasn`t there for weeks but here he was at the time he was most needed. Elio exhaled the sent of cigarettes, freshly washed cloth, oranges. 

"You smell like oranges" he says without thinking. 

"I`ll give you one sometime" 

Oliver smiled near his ear, his warm breath tickled. Elio smiled too.


	5. hic et nunc (here and now)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one with the flower on the windowsill

The morning starts with its sudden ease, warmth spreading around. After long rainy days, the weather decides to give everyone a rest, releasing the sun from the clouds shyly. Warmth is noticeable in every aspect – from the moment you breathe in the sun-filled air, till the light reflecting in yesterday’s rain puddles creating its teasing sunbeams. 

Elio walks slowly as he enjoys the weather, spotting Oliver through his black sunglasses. He sees him standing near the campus, surrounded by a group of teachers and greenery of trees. Everyone around him are looking at each other, winking and being connected to some sort of an inside joke that only them understand. Oliver tells them some kind of a story, his eyes darting from one person to another. Elio can’t help looking at them with jealousy because they can make this man so open and chill. 

And no mistake - he is a man. Not a boy, who will laugh or try to make fun of himself to be included. His define pose - standing straight, like he was commanded to - made Elio curious about his thoughts at the moment. There were a lot of laughing, charming women around him, was he thinking about them? Did he want to call their attention so they could think about him later? 

Elio comes closer, smoking and looking straight at him. He isn`t sure if he wants to come closer, watching this man from afar for too long. Oliver wears a green dense shirt today that reveals his strong shoulders and Elio`s thoughts goes back to yesterday. He wants to immediately go past them but one of the teachers addresses him:

"Good morning. You must be that famous juvenile. From the picture"

"Good morning, madam. Yes, you`re right. It`s so kind of you to remember" he answered in a sweetest way possible and daring Oliver to land his eyes on him.

"And how did you like the picture?" the woman asked her colleague. 

"I think it`s something else, Mark did a great job. You should be proud"

Oliver shoots a bright smile. 

"I am"

"You know" the other man says. "You were such an inspiration, boy. If I was your age I wanted to draw you as well"

Elio laughed, looking shyly at his feet. 

"Oh, really? So that`s what you`re saying in front of your wife? I see, my dear, I see" answered the woman mockingly and everybody laughed. 

"Elio is a Professor Perlman`s son"

"Oh? And how`s your father? I hope he adjusted to new terms of life very well"

"Yes, you can`t be more right. He said he missed you though and said hello to everyone"

Elio furrows his eyebrows as he tries to recollect some names from his memory. The blond one, he knew, was Professor Heimert. She and her husband were close with his father so he`d heard a lot about them. Mister Woods was near them, he did researches on Italian architecture so he got interested in interrogating Elio about it. 

The boy answered with enthusiasm, even though being the center of attention was new to him here in America. He got used to social talks at dinners with his father and his friends but now the only person who could be offered as a comrade was laughing, almost flirting with Mrs. Heimert, owing her attention completely. 

"Oliver, my dear" the woman exclaimed in return, making Elio convince himself not to stare. 

It continued for a while, before someone looked at the boy concerned, saying:

"Oh my god. Are you ok?" 

Elio touched his face, feeling warm blood running towards his lips. 

"Merda" he muttered under his breath. "I`m so sorry"

It wasn`t the right moment, but the blood pressure wasn`t of his control. He clumsily cups his face, trying to stop what he knew he couldn`t. 

"You need to put something cold immediately!"

"Come, let`s take care of it" Oliver said shortly with no hint of smile. 

Elio felt sorry to ruin the atmosphere, but the blood didn’t seem to stop so he pushed back his dignity and came after his professor.

"Carefully" 

The boy almost bumped into someone and Oliver said he could hold him by his arm if he wanted. Elio was so pale that he resembled a white carnation that was left accidently after the ball. Like a flower he stretched his weaken branches to entwine Oliver`s forearm gently and felt warmth of the material, stiffness and calmness all at once. He both loved and hated the feeling caused by Oliver around him.

"Thank you" the boy uttered. 

"You`re not going to faint, are you?"

Elio wanted to close his eyes and sit down at any surface he could, feeling dizziness kicking in. 

"From the side it may seem like I went into a fight and you had to interfere" the boy returned with a chuckle. "Like you had to save me"

"Right. What were you fighting about?"

"I`m not sure" the boy sniffed the blood and made a disgust face. "Maybe it was like someone messed up the notes I`ve been working on for all night long"

"So you are violent, huh?"

"It must be my eastern blood"

"I`ve heard of that. Short temper of a proud Italian boy?"

"Sì, signore" he pronounced in his best accent.

"Come in"

Elio hasn`t been in Oliver`s office before, so he quickly looked through the cozy wooden table and chairs, a bookshelf filled with every literature needed. It was all organized in Oliver`s taste – looking like irrational but completely needed mess. Elio found himself smiling and if the man asked why he wouldn`t have the answer. 

"Sit down please" Oliver suggested quickly as he was looking for some cloth to soak. "Just push your head back for now, I hope it won`t hurt much"

Elio sat as he was told without any questions at all, grabbing a piece of wet cloth afterwards. He waited for his nose to take the message and patiently tried to have some time for his blood to stop. The boy hated the fact that Oliver saw him only in the moments of weakness. He wanted to be a love interest, not a toddler to take care of. That is why when the blood seemed to stop he wiped his nose a little and titled his head to look at Oliver. 

The question was on the tip of his tongue, but he decided not to ruin anything, getting up and stepping closer. He saw the man watching a flourishing rose in a pot, standing on the windowsill. It was unusual for fall but the rose was at her best, open petals all rosy and fresh. Oliver observed it closely and then he touched it with his fingers slightly.

"Are you OK?" the pale blue eyes examined Elio`s face in concern. 

"I`m fine"

"Come here, have a look" he said then in a quiet manner. It was unusual because most of the times his voice was stern and loud, declaring his lection proudly. 

"Yeah?" 

"Beautiful" his hands were tracing around soft rosy petals. "I`ve always wondered about the way nature makes everything so simple yet so grand. Like this flower. Man can do anything to copy that, but nature. Nature does nothing in vain" 

Elio stepped closer and raised his hand to touch the flower himself. 

"Rough" he said with a hiss. "I thought it would be gentler"

Oliver shook his head. 

"It shouldn`t be"

The long fingers played with a soft material and Elio felt Oliver`s fingers near his own. 

"Look closely. It shouldn`t be gentle" their fingers slightly push together and Elio`s afraid to look him in the eye, looking at the flower instead. He gulps, breathing out through his mouth. 

"It couldn`t survive if it was gentle"

His fingers stayed hear Elio`s, holding the flower with it. 

"But it`s still beautiful"

Elio traces his index finger lower, feeling the flower bud and sharp thorns under his skin. 

He hisses. "So rough" 

Oliver`s fingers traces lower and he feels thorns under his fingers. Then he guides Elio`s fingers higher, making them to fall back in the pink softness. 

"Not all the beautiful things are easy to find" Oliver looks at Elio`s hand. "A thousand violins fit in the palm of the hand" 

Oliver`s voice is thick and calm, like a pouring chocolate. He stands right behind him, pushing his strong body against the weaker one, chest gravely strong and firm. Elio feels the need to lean back and wonders if he titles his head back now, will he meet Oliver`s shoulder there? Why does this man behind him do nothing? His body is on fire and he feels the heat behind him burning bright too. 

"The flower should be watered to stay alive. It`s hard to leave in drought most of the times" the boy licks his lips in instinct. 

"I think it`s perfectly well now" Oliver cups one of the sides of rose with his palm and Elio decides to go bold and takes his hand to hold the other side. 

"You`re right, it`s perfect now"

He talks about everything – about the way Oliver tickles his neck with his breath, about the sudden intimacy, this bubble that appears around them and vanishes the whole world away.

"Turn around" Oliver commands. 

They are so close that Elio`s afraid to make something stupid. Like to kiss him right now, loosing all the boundaries that seemed to be already gone. With his eyebrows raised in hope he turns around, looking at the steel gaze before him. 

"Are you Ok?" the man asks again, this time with a definite want to hear the response. "Look at me"

But Elio can`t. His confidence is nothing now, when he feels Oliver so close. When he has nowhere to run and Oliver raises his hand to stroke his cheek. 

"Elio" he whispers. "Maybe I should get you another towel?"

"What?"

"For your nose. Nose bleedings are serious, you can`t go reckless about them"

Elio stares at Oliver and sees that wide pleased grin of his starting forming now. 

"Yes indeed. Well, I think I should go"

"Right, the classes are about to start. Wise decision"

"Thank you for your help, professor, I can`t imagine what I would do without it"

"Oh, it`s kind of you to notice, Mr. Perlman"

"It`s kind of you to-" Elio stopped as his cheek was warm again and the man`s fingers hold him more confidently, "help"

Elio grabs him by the elbow without a second, showing that he doesn`t mind of this position. That it was even a preferable one and Oliver just shouldn`t stop. 

"Usually the eyes go a bit redder as well" the man says nonchalantly. "Let`s see"

"I think it`s because of the weather but it became slightly warmer. Didn`t know my blood pressure wouldn`t handle it"

"How do you live in Crema being so gentle? Or the river helps to accommodate?"

"Who told you about the river?"

Oliver leans in a bit, like he is about to share his deepest secret: "I`ve eavesdropped" 

When Elio is about to screw everything and lean forward, following his loudly pounding heart, he is scared by a loud knock on the door and pull back instead.

"Yes?" Oliver calls out. 

He immediately becomes a professor, putting on his usual mask of indifference and coming to the door. It was a student that asked about his coursework and Oliver gives him a professional look, showing where he could sit. 

"Anything else, Mr. Perlman?" the stern voice asks.

"No, thank you, Mr. Bergstein"

Closing the door behind him Elio felt tickles in his stomach and rolled his eyes in annoyance. He was so gone.


	6. Ad rem (to the point)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one about Elio`s drunken kisses and Neruda`s poetry

I have shut my windows.

I do not want to hear the weeping.

But from behind the grey walls.

Nothing is heard but the weeping.

These words Elio knew by heart, so he read distractedly, thinking about the last time he met Oliver.  
He was torn because he didn't know why he felt like he could scream from the top of the mountain in the loudest voice and defeat an enemy with his bear hands.

It seemed like what he felt to Oliver opened this side of him that was restricted to be opened before. He wanted to come back at his office to kiss him harder that he physically could, holding him close. The fact that he was his teacher was just unfair because no one should feel this way about their teachers.

"Elio, hi" Mark said as he landed beside him. "How're you doing?"

"Hello. Doing great" he nodded to his book.

"Garcia Lorca?"

"Yeah. It's not for the class, just for me. I always read him when I want a piece of advice. Is that weird? Just… the thing about poetry is that you can read the same lines over and over again finding something new each time. Even when I think I understand the author right, I reread it in a deep conviction, but I suddenly stumble and find something that I`ve never read before"

"That's great. I fell this way about some paintings too. And yeah, handsome and clever type of guy. I see"

"And you're the one who's talking" Elio returned warmly looking in the Mark's eyes.

"Oh, ditto, ditto. But I came here for a reason actually"

"Oh, yeah? Why did you come?"

"I wanted to ask you. Jack said you were going out tonight. Will I be imposing if I say that I want to join? Don't want to miss this evening, maybe I'll get some inspiration out there"

"Yeah, sure. Surely you can come"

Elio didn't have a clue what Mark was referring to, but if he said that they were going out then it was decided. Out of the reason it wasn't such a bad idea and if Jack had decided so who was Elio to combat him?

"What time are we meeting?"

"I think we're meeting at nine. The party won't start until at least 10 pm"

"Ok, great"

"See you then, pretty boy"

***

Elio landed his tired green eyes on the floor, examining it nonchalantly. He felt nothing but exhaustion after the music classes because his professor wanted him to try more and more until he felt like he was trying hard enough. He spreaded wider his fingers on the wooden desk and sighed.

"Hey, sugar tits" Jack cried out as he went in. "Making yourself busy-busy?"

"How`s your classes?" he asked conversationally.

Jack sits on his desk unceremoniously, brushing his notes aside.

"Hey"

"Sorry" the guy said with no shame at all. "You've got too much shit in here. Worst neighbor ever, Elio, worst neighbor ever"

"Why is that?"

"Think about it. You don't talk much; don't hang out much-"

"How is it bad?" Elio shouts tiredly. Jack knows how to pull on his strings.

"Well let's think. What if you are some sort of a crazy killer"

Elio's look is silent, but intense and with a certain message behind it.

"What if you wait for me to fall asleep and do your dirty things to me"

"You wish" the boy breaks into smile finally, shaking his head. "You can hardly be on top of my list. You even didn't come to see me play for once. For once! Bad neighbor" Elio finishes in a mocking voice.

"Hey, you too! And I've invited you"

"You play football for Christ`s sake"

"And? Is it too manly for you, twinky boy?"

"Hey, I kindly suggest you to shut your front door"

"So you can go for my back one?" Jack chuckled when Elio grabbed him by his shoulders, attacking. They wrestled all the way to Elio's bed, breathing loudly and kicking each other in the process.

"You're insufferable"

"Come on, twink"

Jack grins like a Cheshire cat when Elio tries to fight back, punching him with these delicate hands of his. It was like a baby koala fighting him so the guy laughed, allowing him to do whatever he wanted.

"Fight! Fight me, come on!" Elio cries out in despair.

Tompson grabs him by his wrists, pulling him over himself.

"Oh shit"

"I can drop you any minute now"

"No, no! Please, don`t!" Elio shouted finally. "I`m out, I`m out!"

They lay down silently on the boy`s bed, looking at the ceiling and thinking about their own things.

"Just tell me why are we going out tonight? Because I've heard it from Mark of all people"

"I was about to tell you" the guy says defensively. "But you're always so busy"

"I'm free now"

"Don't give me that offended look, you boy. I've planned to hangout with you for a long time. But one day you're with your girlfriend, another day you have this fucking huge painting of yourself making"

"Right"

"So I decided to go to your painter myself. Without any chance of you slipping out" Jack sat back, looking at his roommate with a bit of curiosity. "By the way"

"Hmm?"

"That guy. Mark. He's totally into you. But you know that, right?"

Elio shook his head.

"He's just being nice. Not everyone is gay, you know"

"Right, but he totally is. So are you planning on banging him some time?"

"You're such a dick, why am I even talking to you right now"

"Oh I'm sorry. Are you planning on banging him tonight?"

Elio can't help but laughs. This is so embarrassing he can't even look the guy in the face, covering his own in hands.

"I don't know"

"You better figure this out before he came here with a serenade and the jewelry. The guy seems to be seriously whipped"

"No he's not"

"Whatever, just don't say I didn't warn you"

"We're better start preparing because he'll be here in 20 minutes"

"Shit, ok. So you get your tiny fuckable body in the shower and I'll call Danielle in the meantime. And no wanking. Save some for your man"

"Stronzo you are"

"Love you too babe" Tompson shouted back.

***

"You look fantastically" was the first thing Elio heard from Mark so he needed to punch Jack for his chuckles behind them later.

"Thanks, man" he tried back. "You look good yourself"

To be fair - that wasn't a lie. Mark was wearing a white loose shirt with the blue jeans, an old classic but Elio didn't mind. He resembled Oliver in his hairstyle but his eyes were warmer that his uncle's. Elio gladly leaned closer and snaked his hand around the other guy's torso.

"Don't worry, I don't know anyone there either" he shared earnestly.

"Where are we going exactly?" the guy asked as he hugged Elio's shoulders with his muscular hand.  
"Will you tell me?"

"I won't. You're about to find out yourself"

His intonation was so flirty Jack had to actually look at his feet to recover himself in ability of staying indifferent. Elio appreciated it wordlessly and Jack winked at him.

"This way" he said and they stepped closer to the fraternity.

***

Before they knew it, they were absolutely hammered. Not Jack, of course, who was so used to all of that kind of nights that he only laughed as he saw the other boys dancing slowly to the beat of music.

"Elio" Mark murmured.

"Mark"

Music was so loud that they had to lean closer to each other to talk and Elio knew he wasn't thinking at all.

"We need to go now. Oliver will pick us up at a couple of minutes. Come on, I don't want you to be here without anyone you know"

Jack went somewhere with Danielle and Elio just laughed, his neighbor was acting like always. He let to be dragged outside, laughing and breathing heavily.

"Come on, Elio, we're almost there"

"I don't want to" he whined suddenly stopping. "Can I stay here? With you"

"You're drunk" Mark tried to subject, but it was hard when the boy's scent felt so sweet and he was finally so close.

He knew he shouldn't, but he fell for his charms, stopping at the middle of the parking lot. The boy was drunk, but he looked deliciously with his dark curls that looked as soft as they were for the touch, in his giant pale pink shirt. He wore it because it reminded him of Oliver and the flower on the windowsill.  
Oliver, who didn`t even care enough to kiss him.

"I want you" Elio says weakly but without any hesitation at all.

Before he knew they were sloppily kissing, Mark's lips all soft and gentle. The guy was full of confidence, tugging on Elio`s hair and Elio grabbed him by the collar, trying to stay on his feet. He didn`t know why but suddenly he thought that he was cheating on Oliver. It was so stupid but he wanted to cry. It wasn`t right to kiss Mark and think about his uncle, so his eyes were wet when they broke apart, hearing Oliver's car pulling near them.

"Oliver" Elio whimpered wetly.

"Hey. Come on, boys, it's time to go. Get in"

Mark wasn't sure why Elio was crying and didn't know what to do so he suggested Elio to take the shotgun sit and sat on the back himself.

"Everything went OK, Mark?" Oliver asked as he started the engine.

"Yes, everything's fine. Isn't it, Elio?"

"Yes" the boy said and rubbed his hands on his face drunkenly.

"Well I can imagine" Oliver said with a smirk, clearly referring to the their kiss and Elio felt he might be sick. He didn`t want him to see this shameful deed and he didn`t have anything to be apologetic about in the same time.

They chatted till the way home, Oliver was asking them questions because he didn't want them to fall asleep so soon and Elio felt that warm feeling in his chest like he was driving home with his dad. He missed home so much and that friendly tone Oliver had was the one Elio shared with his father. Oliver looked at him from time to time, making sure he's ok and the boy felt his eyes wet again against his own will.

"Had a lot to drink?" the man asked when they pulled near his dormitory. "Will you get to your room safely? I can lead you to it if you want"

"No, I don't want to bother"

"Let's go" Oliver said with a confidence and reassuring smile. "Mark will wait me in the car, right, Mark?"

The guy murmured something inaudible and Elio snored, moving slowly with Oliver by his side.

"Did you enjoy tonight?"

"I did"

"Really? You seem upset somehow"

They went in, walking slowly up the stairs. Elio lived on a second floor so it wasn't a long walk and the boy felt sad to let Oliver go so soon.

"Drink up some water when you get in, it'll help you in the morning, OK?"

"OK"

"Do you promise?"

Oliver gave him such a caring once-over that Elio couldn't help but felt the need to hug him, awkwardly stepping closer and silently asking for permission. Oliver was confused but held him back, stroking his hair a little.

"I'm so sorry, Oliver" he finally said.

"For what?"

"For this" the boy whispered before he gently leaned in to kiss his professor on the cheek.

He was stopped by Oliver's hand and a confused whisper: "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry!" Elio says embarrassed. "I didn't mean it. I don't know what I'm doing"

"That's OK. Just go, get inside and sleep a bit. You had a long night, I understand"

"But Oliver..."

"That's ok. Now go. Sleep tight, Elio"

The boy looked at him briefly and went in, feeling sad and ashamed. He wanted to apologize but he couldn't find a way to apologize for his reckless behavior. Of course Oliver didn't feel the same way and he should treat it with respect. Elio closed his eyes and his shoulders shook in silent sobs. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was Oliver, but his heart was aching and he didn`t know why.

"I don`t even like him!" Elio tried to assure himself. "Why do I have to suffer so badly? Why can`t I choose somebody else? I wish I`ve chosen somebody else"

***

"Good morning" Elio said uncertainty, as he came in the auditorium.

There were a lot of students surrounding Oliver because it was the day of their projects so everyone was there for their results. Elio tried his best to look presentable even so their professor knew what he did last night. He combed his hair, stepping closer to his mates.

"Graded yours just yesterday" Mr. Bergstein said with a proud expression. "You did a great job, Yessica"

Yessica's cheeks responded with a bit of red as she took back her papers. Oliver smiled back at her and ducked down in the papers again, fishing out another one. He spoke to the guy on the left of Elio so the boy didn't ever pretend not to listen.

"Mr. Perlman" the man said at last. "You know, it was a wise depiction of kalos kagathos in your work"

"Thank you, professor." the boy answered without the usual confidence in his voice. "Correct me if I'm mistaken, but it sounds as if there should be a big old 'but' in there"

"But I believe you could do better" Oliver said without looking up from the papers he looked through. "Correct me if I'm mistaken"

Elio shook his head. A perfect emotionless voice felt like a smack of whip through Elio's body. It felt in his spine - a shameful spark of desire and shame. Like he knew he needed to be punished for the way he acted out last night, like he was showing off himself not to the right person because Oliver couldn't take this misbehavior.

"I'm sorry" the boy said quietly.

The man didn't say anything in return; he just looked him in the eye for split seconds and shouted:

"It's time to begin!" he clasped his hands as he came to the students.

"Sit down please" Oliver added to Elio. "We need to start now"

There was no choice but to obey. And when the man said that there would be a quick test then he couldn't do anything about it, too.

"I just want to see how you understand the material. And if we need some more work it'll be fine. So take out your pens, a sheet of paper and that will be it. You don't need your notes now. I just want you to write what you know yourself. No consulting with each other, no cheating needed. Is it clear?"

After some minutes of preparation the auditorium fell into silence, working on their works thoroughly. The girls were carding through their hair absentmindedly and the guys were trying to concentrate as well by looking at the questions as if they could hint them the answers. The questions weren't hard at all as Elio discovered and he smirked to Marzia.

"Tutto bene?"

"Yes. How about you babe?"

"Perlman" Oliver said strictly. "There is no time for talking"

The professor went to some students and looked under their desks to be sure they're working by themselves.

"I want to stress that you all know everything. Just believe in your abilities. I surely do"

He bent over to some girl to see how she was doing and Elio shifted at his seat. The boy didn't like to see Oliver paying so much attention to somebody else and Elio knew how ridiculous he was, thinking like that. He was writing quickly about Socrates when the man finally approached him.

"Doing well?"

"Almost finished, professor"

"You do?"

The boy's eyelashes fluttered. Oliver stood near him with a suspect in his eyes that was fake but and it hurt Elio's feelings in some way more than he was ready to admit.

"I'm trying to be good" he whispered.

"I know. But I can`t allow you to cheat, can I? Let's see"

The man lowered his hand under the desk, searching for the notebook or something else. No one paid much attention because it was nothing special at all, but Elio held his breath as he felt he palm cupping his leg.

"Nothing `s here?" Oliver all but murmured.

Elio didn't trust his own voice so he just shook his head and spreaded his legs unsurely. He almost moaned when the hand traced further and palmed his balls through the jeans hardly. His stomach tensed and he moved towards the touches allowing doing anything Oliver wanted to do. His cock twitched as he felt the force he was held and Oliver leaned down to whisper: "Later"

Elio closed his eyes. The hand was still on his cock and the strained his hips so he was trapped there.

'When?' he wrote near his answer. 'It's killing me' he added.

Oliver moved his hand a bit, creating a slight friction and Elio looked him in the eye again before letting the man go. The boy was nearly fainting and blushing at the same time, like he was having a fever, from head to toes. His heart was quickly pounding.

"Five more minutes!" Oliver announced cheerfully.

Elio licked his dry lips, looking down his bulge. That what could take him to come - five minutes. He moved a bit, adjusting himself. Maybe he should just wait.

***

The hall was rather crowded, people shouting and laughing with each other. Couple of girls from solfeggio greeted Elio as they were passing by and he nodded to them with distracted smile. He was standing near Oliver's office, the door before him. The only thing remained was to knock and open it, but he wasn't ready yet. He nervously clenched his fingers. He was ready, he knew it.

It was the most delicious man he's ever landed his eyes on and he needed to make it. Even if it was a mistake, it would be his mistake and Elio was confident that to do something was better than regret about not doing it for the rest of his life.

Yesterday he couldn't do anything because the only man he could think about was Oliver - Oliver, who grabbed his junk so shamelessly like he owned it. Like it was just a start and he decided on every single detail what could happen next.

"Come in" the voice called out as Elio knocked hardly.

He wasn't alone. There was some student sitting at his desk and Oliver was standing near the window with a book. He was probably dictating him what to write, Elio figured.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" the boy said obediently.

Oliver nodded, like he remembered something.

"I did" he turned his attention back to the other boy. "Let's continue tomorrow? It won't be late for your speech I hope"

"Sure, professor. Thank you"

Oliver led him to the door, without looking at Elio at all. He said couple of final words to his student, clapping his back at the end and shut the door after. The silence was settled.

After turning back the man looked at him and Elio knew he was looking at him not like he looked at his students. If wasn't the way he looked when he flirted with colleagues, wasn't the glance he gave him during his lectures. Elio felt warmth somewhere at the pit of the stomach. He needed to say something but words seemed to be vanishing out all of the sudden.

"I don't know what I should say" Elio mumbled. "I'm sorry about my...about my recent work"

Oliver shrugged silently. He looked like he was deep in his thoughts and he wasn't in a mood of telling Elio what he was struggling with. Elio couldn't help but felt stupid that he came so inconveniently.

"I'm sorry, I should probably go"

He rose up to his feet, coming closer to the door where Oliver stood. He grabbed the doorknob and before he knew it, the man stood right behind him, touching his hand with his own.

"The door is locked" he said observably.

Oliver touched the boy's shoulders, gently turning him around and making him look right at his face.

"Why is it locked?"

"For absolutely no reason" Oliver said and his voice sounded genuinely surprised.

"OK then" Elio whispered back. "Can you unlock it please?"

"Yeah, sure, just a minute"

Elio saw Oliver's hands landed on the both sides near his head, pinning him against the door even more. The hot breath was comfortable yet seductive when the man titled his head to Elio's neck.

"Let me go" Elio protested weakly. "You're too close"

"Am I? My apologies"

"I can't breath, Oliver" the boy pronounced, looking at the pale blue eyes with a silent plea.

"I'm sorry"

In a couple of seconds Oliver let go, turning around and walking to his desk. Elio regretted about it immediately but didn't show it.

"I wanted to give you something"

"Yes?"

"I think you might find it interesting" Elio was presented with a book of Pablo Neruda's poetry, faded pages of which indicated its old origin.

Elio raised his hand to hold the book and Oliver watched him with curiosity. While inspecting it the boy was thinking of how to react and finally said: "Thank you, professor Bergstein. It's so thoughtful of you"

"I highly recommend this poem if you don`t mind"

Elio looked at the book to find a bookmark, a little piece of paper that had a lot on words written on it. The poem was called "Your feet" and Elio cleared his throat and started reading out loud.

"When I cannot look at your face I look at your feet. Your feet of arched bone, your hard little feet"

Oliver sat down on the nearest chair silently.

"I know that they support you, and that your sweet weight rises upon them. Your waist and-" Elio gulped. "your breasts, the doubled purple of your nipples. The sockets of your eyes that have just flown away, your wide fruit mouth, your red tresses, my little tower"

His heart clenched. With the slow, expressive intonation the boy read those words, feeling Oliver's eyes on him. Feeling the arousal and lust suddenly appearing through his shame.

"But I love your feet only because they walked upon the earth and upon the wind and upon the waters, until they found me"

Dark green met the blue ones, the ones that never left Elio's face while he was declaring. Everything was said and nothing was said at all. Especially when the boy stepped closer and looked at Oliver from above. He sat, so that was so easy - to put those long and trembling fingers in his soft brown hair.

Delicately, like he was looking for any hints of what to do next. But Oliver watched him silently, like he was a proud Greek's statue without any emotions occurring in him.

"Can I touch you?" Elio asked finally.

"Not with your hands. Touch me with your lips instead"

Elio moaned, leaning down. Oliver sat so faraway he needed to get to his knees for a better angle.

"Come on. Kiss me, Elio"

"OK" the boy whispered and pushed their lips together.

That wasn't a gentle kiss, no. Elio attacked him like a thirsty traveler when he found the source of water. Like a hungry wolf he licked and kissed Oliver's mouth and when he felt his tongue he moaned again, begging to be held.

"Hold me" he managed to say and the man stood up, taking Elio roughly by his hips.

They go and crash into the door, touching and feeling each others bodies for the first time.

"Oliver" the boy says when the man kissing his throat. "Oh my God"

He starts to kiss and lick, biting into the sensitive skin. Nobody did it that hard, always sparing the boy but it wasn't this time. Elio had to tug his hair and made a desperate cry to call his attention.

"You wanted my attention?" Oliver says lowly. "I'll give you attention"

Elio smiles when he feels these confident hands cupping his butt and can't help but wonder for how long Oliver wanted to do that.

"Take me" Elio moans. "Please, take me, Oliver"

Oliver kisses his mouth again, more gently this time and lets the boy grab his strong shoulders with his fingers.

"What do you want, boy?" Oliver asks, breathing heavily. "Tell me"

"I don't know" Elio says in a hurry. "Just take me"

"You were much confident yesterday. Or the alcohol was the reason?"

Elio interrupted him with his lips, kissing him madly. He was ready to slip his hand to Oliver's jeans but the doorknob suddenly moved and Oliver pulled him from the door, sitting him on the chair near the desk.

"Mr. Bergstein?" Mrs. Heimert said as she went in. "Oh, hello, Mr. Perlman"

"Good afternoon" his lips was so swollen and his hair disheveled that he had to only hope that the woman was blind enough not to see what was going on.

"Oliver, please, lent me those papers we were talking about"

"Sure, one second" Oliver said cheerfully and he glanced at Elio, smile appearing on his face. "Here they are"

"Thank you. I hope I'll see you at our meeting in an hour"

"Of course, I'll be there"

"Ok, great"

"Yeah, I'll see you"

As the door closed Elio hissed: "I thought the door was locked"

"Well apparently it wasn't"

The boy looked at Oliver and broke into the light laughter, his eyes was beaming with joy.

"You should go"

"Yeah, sure. I'll see you around, Mr. Bergstein"

He came closer and Oliver reached for the kiss, but Elio forcefully turned his face by the chin, kissing him on the cheek like he wanted yesterday. Oliver grinned.

"You don`t forget anything, do you?"

"No when in comes to this" the boy continued is he kissed his chin, enjoying the manly stubble he had there. "And this" he traced down to his neck, sniffing in his scent. "And this" he kissed his Adam’s apple teasingly.

Oliver put his hand into Elio`s hair, pulling them with passion. The boy moaned, becoming less self-confident at once.

"Sorry, professor"

"Such a nice little boy you are" Oliver said as he watched him. "With this beautiful little cheeks and this sweet little tongue" he stuck out his tongue and the boy caught it up with his own. They licked openly into Elio`s mouth and the boy grabbed Oliver by his neck, pulling him closer.

"And what do we have here?" the man said as he felt Elio`s cock through his jeans stiffen. "What is it, little boy?"

"Nothing"

"Someone`s being naughty again? Like when he trapped my hand between his delicious thighs. Who was that, can`t you tell me?"

Oliver smile was kind and his eyes so piercing that Elio blushed, looking at his hand on the jeans.

"Look at me, boy"

He can`t resist when the manly hand slid into his pants but he winced, trying to avoid the direct touches.

"Stay still, pretty boy. I want to feel what it is about. Is it the reason you are all blushed and beautiful? Is that it?" Elio`s cock was in the man`s hand now and he held it tightly, fingering it slightly.

"Oh my God, Oliver"

"It`s OK, beautiful. You don`t need to worry. I`ve got you"

"Please"

"But what if someone come it? What if someone will see you all needy and pleading, my precious boy?"

Oliver stroked his cock in a steady manner, making Elio moan. He led him to the desk and let him sit on top of it, spreading his lean legs wide.

"Moan all you want, my dear. It won`t be any faster. I want you to enjoy your orgasms. I want to milk you out until you come completely dry. Do you want it, love? I`ll take care of you so good you won`t remember your name"

"Yes, please"

"Do you want me to eat out that pretty little hole of yours? To bury my tongue deep inside you, so deep you`ll feel me everywhere. So deep you`ll beg me to stop and continue at the same time"

But Oliver suddenly stopped, pulling out his hand from Elio`s jeans. The boy groaned, opening his eyes and looking with the pure plea.

"Not today, baby. Today you need to study. And I have a meeting as you already know"

Elio was so bewildered he didn`t find anything to object, nodding without any thoughts at all. Oliver buttoned up his pants, feeling the boy`s cheeks still warm. When Elio left the room this time he felt horny and confused but he smiled, holding Neruda`s poetry in his hand.


	7. ex nihilo nihil fit (nothing comes from nothing)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one about the girls and some help

Next day he went into the hall and everything has changed. 

Lots of people came across and Elio looked closely at every one of them. As usual he noticed every important detail without giving a hint that he was, offering people to find it out themselves. His stare was superficial and bored, as if he was looking for someone who wasn't there. As if he didn`t wore his best shirt today, because Oliver said he liked that shirt. The fabric was pink and long, like this part of the wardrobe didn`t belong to him. Like Elio wore it from a lover who gave him it as a trophy. 

His jeans was rolled up at their ends, revealing his delicate ankles and long lean legs and the boy couldn't help but think of what Oliver would say about them. He was ecstatic thinking of this burning arousal that caught him by surprise the other night. 

He couldn't sleep, thinking about Oliver. Like the man owned not only his body, but his mind as well. His insides burnt. He remembered the hands that finally grabbed him like Elio was his belonging, his tone that almost screamed 'You are mine and you know it. I don`t care what you`ve read, what you know or you think you know, I don`t care what you think of me. I`ll have you whatever I want'. Elio touched himself like he couldn`t do anything else, like possessed he whimpered and screamed, shutting himself up with his palm. 

"Elio?" the boy was distracted suddenly. He offered a welcoming smile to Mark right away. 

"Hello"

"Good afternoon. How's it going? Are you waiting for someone? For me?"

"Right" Elio laughed, trying to look as enchantingly as he could just for the sake of it. "You're right though. I was waiting for you" he said more convincingly.

"Oh, really?"

"I haven't seen you in a while"

"Sorry. I've been working on my assignment. And if it concerned you again, you would've been the first person I called"

Elio raised his eyebrow at that.

"No, not that I wouldn't call you otherwise. Just you know, loads of work"

"I understand. You don`t have a need to explain yourself" 

"I know, it`s just…I don't want you to get a bad idea of what's going on. I don't ignore you because of that night" he said, lowering his voice. 

"And what exactly happened?"

"Exactly! Nice shirt, by the way"

"Thank you. You look good as well"

Elio laughed, asking Mark about the project he currently worked on. He saw that the guy was uncomfortable near him so he didn`t want to go deep in that, trying to win his favor again. Mark was a kind of person that everyone enjoyed being around with so soon he was telling Elio funny stories about his professors, asking his opinion on Giotto di Bondone and admiring his attire some more. 

"So what do you think?"

"About what?" 

"The idea of us going out tonight. You`re not busy, are you?"

"I'm not sure" he answered. "Marzia asked me to come visit her tonight" he lied right after.

"Oh? That's cool. Tell her I said hi"

"Sure"

Mark stood there for a minute of hesitation, looking between Elio and the floor. 

"Anyway, if you change your mind..."

"I'll tell you for sure. Thank you Mark"

"One night won't kill you. I promise"

"I know" it was getting awkward and Mark looked so sad out of the sudden that Elio couldn't help mentioning: "I really enjoyed last time"

"Yeah, it was great, wasn`t it?"

"It was! And how about that girl you were flirting with, huh? Andea is it?"

"I don't remember"

"Even I remember!" Elio shouted with fake excitement. "Skinny legs and all?"

Mark smiled warmly, nodding. 

"Maybe I like it when a person has good legs. Like yours for example. Your legs are pretty remarkable, if you ask me"

"Mine? I mean, yeah. But her were on the whole new level"

Mark shrugged.

"Actually, Jack must know who that girl was" Elio insisted. "Maybe you can ask him?"

"Maybe you`re right, I will"

"And hey, I have a thought. We can go on a double date then. You, me and our girls"

Elio wanted to slap himself right after he spat out this brilliant idea. He wanted either slap himself or let Mark do the work. The situation went so wrong that he agreed they could all went out tonight, going to the bar that Mark suggested. They were talking about how to get in when Elio heard so wanted but inconvenient voice.

"Afternoon, gentlemen"

"Afternoon, Oliver" Mark answered, turning around to see his uncle. 

Elio, on the other hand, just silently nodded, unable to say a word.

"Mark, I don`t want to sound like an old fart but I`m here to remind you about our family dinner. Tonight. Of course I assume you remember. Hello, Mr. Perlman"

"Afternoon, professor" 

"But Oliver. I'm sorry, but we were just talking about going out with our girlfriends. Tonight"

Oliver raised his eyebrows, inspecting Elio's face quickly in the meantime. It seemed like he wasn't too impressed of what he's heard, and the boy didn't want to offer excuses for himself so he just stood there blankly.

"Well that's admirable. You shouldn't spend your entire time nose deep in the books" Oliver laughed shortly. "Didn't know you have a girlfriend, Mark, by the way. Mazel tov" 

Elio darted his eyes on the professor suddenly and met his usual smile. The smile he surely remember - professional, well-trained, meaningless. The smile that didn't touch his eyes, leaving them indifferent and cold. Something in his chest tightens, leaving Elio out of breath. 

"Don't forget to get home by 1 am though; you don't want to get in trouble"

"Yeah, about that -"

"I hope I made myself clear. You can go, but be home on time. See you later, boys"

He went down the hall without any other words, leaving Elio frankly speaking frustrated. Deep down he wanted to hear something like that, if he could be honest with himself for once. Something like 'Don't be late. Get home safe. I'm worried because you belong to me'. 

Oliver acted like nothing happened and it was easier in case if Elio didn't want him anymore. But he wanted him, that was surely clear like the fact the Sun comes down and comes back up. Was he expecting that Oliver would find him and prove he wanted him back? He was. Everybody wanted Elio, with his olive skin and longing, almost arrogant glance, with his impatient hands and soft moans when somebody he wanted touched him. 

The fact that Oliver has a nerve to go away on him is something Elio just can't understand.

"Oh, I've totally forgotten I had to go to professor Woods. He said he had some work for me to do"

"Oh, surely. I won't keep you; go"

"See you later, right? After you talk to Andrea. Find me" Elio says, hugging other guy with one hand quickly.

The door is barely closed when the boy storms in, looking for Oliver. He finds him carding through the papers, a familiar state of his. 

He looks so concentrated. Probably he expected somebody else because of those furrowed eyebrows and confusion in his eyes.

"Umm" Elio starts unsure all at once. "I didn't want to interrupt, sliha"

Oliver offers a small smile, hearing him speaking Hebrew. 

"It's ok, you can come in." the man answers calmly. "Is there something I can help?" 

"Yeah"

"Is that about your work? I assume you want to know your mark"

"No, Oliver..."

"Just wait a second, I'll get your paper"

Elio stares on the floor, embarrassment slowly occurring.  
It was like he was so caught up in his thoughts that he missed the fact Oliver might not want him back. His eyes were slowly inspecting floor tiles, when he was given a paper without any remarks at all. 

Normally Oliver always wrote something at the end, what he thought could help or some good recommendations to the subject but the sheet was completely clear, a small red "A" written at the end. 

Elio looked at him surprised.

"Your work was good"

"Thank you" he was looking at the paper without an idea of what to do next. 

"Do you have any more questions we need to discuss?" Oliver helped with a blank expression, as he was looking at the paper as well. 

"No I don't think I do"

"Ok then. Then you can go back to your work, Mr. Perlman" 

"Thank you"

Elio prayed Oliver would say something. Anything would be ok, even if he told him off. It would've proved that at least felt something. 

But the instinct somehow tells Elio not to ask directly. If Oliver wants to do something, he can do it, but he apparently doesn`t feel the need to. 

"So have you seen Mr. Woods?" the boy finally asks. "He said he had some work for me to do" 

"Oh, he did?"

"Yeah. I don`t want to let him down"

Blue eyes narrowed, looking at the boy expectantly. They slowly traced through the pink loose shirt, went through the ankles, came back to the shy expression Elio gave in return. The exaggerated, almost fake timidity. The boy was rubbing his forearm with the other hand, looking at the man in front of him.

"So have you? He told me that it deals with Italia and its architecture, he wanted me to help him after classes, so to say"

"He made a wise choice picking you"

Elio smiled, looking at Oliver`s hands. He was holding his book, a bottle of water and a pen at the same time with only one of them. Elio smirked. 

"Thank you. For noticing my strong points" he looked at the man, feeling himself more confident now. 

"I`m sorry, professor" Elio resumed. "It is very embarrassing, but… "

"What is it?"

"Can I please ask you for some water?"

The innocence was fake, but the nervousness was real. The spark of interest that showed up in Oliver`s eyes was worth trying. 

"Sure, Mr. Perlman. I can`t keep you thirsty, can I?"

"Please. Let me drink"

The professor carefully put belongings on a table, leaving only the bottle in his hands. He opened it, offering Elio to take it silently. 

"Please, let me drink" the boy repeated. He didn`t need water, he needed his man to take care of him. 

Oliver acted as if he didn`t understand, but Elio came closer, parting his lips. "Please"

The sound of his voice was so silent and weak that Oliver carefully put his palm to Elio`s hair, pulling him closer. 

"That`s ok. You can drink up, baby" the man said quietly as well, leading Elio to the bottle. 

Elio closed his eyes, drinking slowly and feeling a palm caressing his head. He wanted to scream just from that touch, from that gentle voice that spoke to him. 

"It`s ok, baby. Drink well" 

Elio grabbed Oliver`s thigh just to stay this way. He didn`t want to leave this moment, enjoying every bit. He smiled when the man put down the bottle, staying still with Elio. He wanted Oliver to hug him but couldn`t say a word. The silence was interrupted by the knock on the door and Elio hated the fact that Oliver was so popular to go to. 

"I have to go. Wait for Mr. Woods, he`ll be in a bit. Later, Elio" Oliver said with a shrug.

'No. Please, stay' Elio wanted to say. 

"Thank you" he said instead.

***

When they got to the bar there was already late. People were chatting loudly, laughing and drinking. Elio couldn't believe that he preferred being here rather then spending his night in, doing something more important. He even dropped the book he read mid-sentence, so he wouldn`t be late. 

"So what do you think, Elio, is it a good night to be alive?" Mark said, his eyes crinkling. 

Their girls were near them, the music was loud and with a pleasant surprise Elio found Marzia's hand on his. It was warm and soothing, Elio thought. The way her arm stoked his, the way she leaned to his side and smiled, it was simple and familiar, he thought. 

"You are so right" the boy said with a smile. "I'm so lucky we are all here tonight. Thanks to you" 

"Lucky and grateful?"

"Lucky and grateful"

"I'd drink to that" the new girl Andrea said and they all agreed, cheering. She seemed to fit in, and the way Mark was looking at her made Elio think she could be right what Mark needed. 

"You know" the boy started. "I think I might ask you to leave, Andrea, you completely take away my friend"

"Be careful, I can do more than that" Andrea retorted with a smile, her blouse was so revealing Elio barely had a nerve not to point it out loud. 

"Oh, really? What? What can you do that I can't, lovely lady?" 

"Many things"

"What things?"

Mark was darting his eyes between them. He was confused to say less, but he couldn't help but wonder why Elio acted out if he said he could go for it. One word and Mark could be his, so why was he doing it?

"Maybe we should go dance a bit, honey? What do you say, amore mio?" Marzia suggested. 

"You are right, we should. Go for it" he cheered his friend quietly before they left. 

"Are you ok?" Marzia asked as they stood closer at the crowd. "You seem upset or I don't understand something?"

"No, I'm great, I'm great. I`m just happy for a friend, that`s it"

"Amore mio, let your friend be happy just like we are"

Elio smiled, dancing with his girlfriend. He didn`t know how to say that he fancied his teacher but not her. He hugged Marzia and let her lead him, the music took him away from his thoughts. There was no Oliver, no problems with his future, no serious talk with his father. It was too soon to think about something serious, he was too young. Elio smiled, when Marzia kissed him because she had a right to do that. 

"You are the best" Marzia said as they parted, her hands were tracing through Elio`s shirt. 

"So are you" Elio answered. There was no Oliver tonight. 

*****

The next couple day Elio couldn't admit he was restless. In fact, he was so nose deep in his researches that he didn't have time even to chat with Mark or Marzia. 

"Elio!"

"I'm sorry, I have to go"

"Elio, wait"

"I'm so sorry, I'm already late"

He was running down the hall, looking for Professor Woods.

"Careful, dear"

"Scuza, professor" Elio bumped into Mrs. Heimert and he was a bit shy about their last meeting so he only looked down when she smiled at him. 

He had the feeling that she knew what was going on between him and Oliver so he didn't know how to act in front of her. It was barely anything between them though - he hasn't seen Oliver since then rather than in the halls, talking to other students about their coursework or nose deep in the books at the library. 

"You must've been in a rush, young man?"

"Yes, sorry" Elio muttered. "Was looking for Mr. Woods"

"For your work? I've seen him. He's already left."

Elio rolled his eyes, unable to hide his disappointment and thanked Mrs. Heimert again, looking down at the papers in his hand. 

"You can leave your papers to Mr. Bergstein though. He's still in the office" she smiled. "He always stays until late, such a workaholic. And I need to go"

"Of course. Thank you!"

"See you Monday, have a nice weekends"

"You too!"

He runs to Oliver's office without a second thought. He promised to deliver the papers today so he would,  
without a chance of delay. 

"May I come in?" he shouted, knocking. 

"Sure" a familiar voice answered. 

"I’m here because of Professor Woods" the boy started. 

He saw that Oliver was writing - probably marking - something, sitting at his usual place with a lamp on. He stayed even though in was the time he usually went to the library so he was doing something serious probably. 

"Sure, come in"

"Can I please leave this to you? Mr. Woods needed this today and I probably let him down already. But maybe he'll need it on Monday io spero?"

The boy looked at him closely. Elio hasn't seen him for three days and it felt like forever somehow. He could easily do without anyone beside him, but when he read his book, saw a beautiful flower, spoke with his father about winter break or listened to some good music he couldn't help but think: 'Oliver could've been there'. The thought was so immediate that Elio wasn't fast enough to stop it and deep down he both hated and realized he wasn't strong enough to fight it. Like the man went so deeply in his mind that thinking about him became a daily necessity. But it wasn't right. Elio hated that he was so needy of this, that he could easily give this man his heart. 

As if Oliver's heard his thoughts, he nodded, looking up. "Sure, give it to me"

"Here"

Elio handed him the papers, carefully causing their hands not to touch.

"Mr. Woods told me you're doing well with his project" the tired blue eyes looked at him with a hint of interest, but Elio knew it was forcedly. He just needed to go without saying something stupid, Elio told himself. 'Don't say anything bad'

"You look horrible"

'Don't say anything like that!'

"Thank you" the man chuckled.

"Maybe I...can get you something, I don`t know? Like some coffee? Or maybe tee?"

"Why?"

That was the question he didn't have answer for. What was he doing there? Why couldn't he just go like what he would've done if he didn't have that feeling of emptiness every time Oliver wasn't around. 

"Just for you to rest"

"Thank you" the man finally answered, his voice professionally polite. "I'm gonna have some free time after I finish this"

Elio didn't know if it was just a fact or Oliver promptly inviting him to stay. Probably the first, because if it was an invitation, he could've said it three days ago. Which is why Elio needed to go and leave him alone. 

"Maybe you need some help?"

Oliver stopped writing, looking up again and thinking almost out loud about Elio`s abilities to do something useful. 

"No, but thank you. I will bear it in mind"

"Ok. I hope you`ll get Mr. Woods my work. It`s very important, I worked hard for that"

"I think he`ll appreciate it. You can go, Elio. See you Monday"

"See you Monday, professor" Elio nodded with all the dignity he had, closing the door between them. Physically and figuratively speaking.


	8. non ducor, duco (I`m not led, I lead)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one in which Elio plays "Pictures at an exhibition" by Modest Mussorgsky

"Oh for the love of God where is it"

"Where is what?" Jack asked with curiosity. He watched Elio getting ready for the past 20 minutes and each one of them were spent in joy. 

"Where are my trainers?"

"Excuse me? You don't wear those? Then we should guess they're in the market"

"No, I had ones. I vividly remember" Elio said confidently. 

"And what I remember is you saying 'even if there was the last day on Earth I wouldn't jog'" Jack continued. 

"Merda, Jack. I really need your help"

"What for? You won't go anyway"

"I will. Mark offered me"

"Oh, Mark? Well, that changes everything! If Mark, holy moly, Bergstein offered you then you should go. And when I offer you to practice with me-"

"I don't like football and you know it"

"I do know it. What I don't know it where your fucking trainers. Maybe you can wear mine? For one time it'll be it"

"Jack, you have a very big heart. Thank you for your offer. Only if your feet weren't as big as your heart I would wore yours. But with those giant feet of yours"

"You know what they say about guys with big feet" Jack answered offended.

"I know. But please, have a big heart and help me" Elio muttered, kneeling to look under his bed. 

"What for? I like it when you're kneeling down. It looks like a proper gymnastic session to me. A little lower, yeah. By the way, Elio?"

"Yeah?" an irritated voice came.

"I don't want to interrupt, but have you checked your suitcases? I'm not a psychic, but I'm pretty sure, man"

Elio stands up, praising Jack and walking to his closet. "You are such a genius, Jack. What would I do without you?"

"Save it, honey. I know that I'm your heart, your soul-"

"And obviously my intuition! I'm so late though. So what do you think? I need an honest opinion. Do I look like a person who exercise?"

Tompson slowly looked up and down Elio's clothes, seeing his big and baggy shorts, his neon sleeveless t-shirt and a head bandana that tops the look literally.

"Dude, I'm not a clothes designer but I think you should leave your head kerchief home" 

"That's not a kerchief, that's bandana. For the real man" Elio said, making a bodybuilder's posture with his hands up and his face like he ate a bunch of lemons.

"The fuck? Tarzan, I beg you, leave the kerchief"

"But what if I run so fast that sweat will cover my eyes? I can stumble and die"

"You won't die without your head scarf. But you'll never play your cards right with Mark wearing that"

Elio looked at his roommate pointedly, looking up from the ties of his trainers.

"I mean yeah, you're just friends, but he's not blind"

Elio was putting on his trainers, when he looked at his friend with a smirk. "Grazie mille. I will get rid of it though, it doesn`t go with these t-shirt"

"I'm completely positive that you'll look better if you have fewer clothes on"

"What makes you so sure?"

"You know, my dear Elio" the guy continued determined. "This tip fits your situation with Marzia too"

"What do you mean?"

"If you were undressed more often probably you'd get laid sooner" 

"Jack" Elio laughed, shaking his head. 

"What? I'm worried about you. Your music, your books, those are great. But what about your love life?"

"My love life is like music. Like Mozart's symphony. There should be quieter notes so the louder part would be greater, more prominent"

"So?"

"So sometimes it's better to have a quiet night rather then do something important. Just a stroll with a friend - that's what I need today. Which is why I think maybe you should go with us? To chat, and you can get to know Mark better"

"That's great, Elio. The fact that I need to get to know your boyfriend better I mean"

"And maybe we'll go to your game sometimes too. When you teach us how to play" Elio said, ignoring the rest.  
"You know the way to my heart, kid" Jack said, taking off his shirt. 

The door indicated that somebody came and Elio shouted that Mark can come in.

"Evening, gentlemen" the guy said, looking a bit funny himself with his big blue shorts and rolled up shirt. "Are you ready to have a good time?"

"I invited Jack too I hope that's ok?"

"Sure, that's great. You look good, Elio. Like a proper jogger"

"Thank you, you too"

"Those are Oliver's shorts, if I can be honest"

Elio looked again quickly, like he didn't care. 

"I can't imagine our professor in those" Jack commented. 

"Right. Well, he won't need them today. He spends his night in doing something more interesting. But that's his business; I don't think we'll be needing him today anyway"

"We can get him, if you want?" Jack asked when they went out their room. "It will be damn awesome to see our prof outside the auditorium, don't you think, Elio?"

"I don't know"

Mark shrugged, looking down. "I don't think he'll be free today. It's Saturday"

"So?"

Mark smiled when Elio went faster, starting jogging. 

"Come on, guys!" the boy shouted with excitement. "Let’s run! Jack, come get me"

"Run for your life, Perlman" the roommate screamed, running after him.

 

***

The auditorium was empty so early in the morning. The sun was breaking through the curtains and the sound of piano was pure and clear. The sound that broke the silence and spoke to everyone who heard it. 

Young professor in his mid twenties came by when he was struck by familiar music which he knew for sure. The same music that he`s heard when he was a little boy, the music that his mother played.  
He dared to carefully open the door, separating him and the piano. He saw the boy who sat by the instrument. His hands were gentle and the music was gentle, his eyes were closed like he was meditating. But then a quick change came. His fingers became more stiff, the music quick and loud. He played one of his favorite suites. 

He saw that somebody came in. Saw the man who he was thinking about but didn't stop playing. He had to finish his suite. 

The man sat near him, looking at his fingers. He didn`t want to bother. He knew that there are couple parts left and his favorite one is yet to come. The last one - the one that finishes all, the end of the journey. 

The boy looked like a truly professional playing till the last part. He opened his eyes, looking down and concentrating. He was shaking his head to the rhythm of music. His hands were pushing hard where it was vital to do so and nearly touched the tiles where it was suitable too. He didn't look at Oliver because it didn't matter that he was there. Music was all that mattered.  
His stare was inspective when he looked at Oliver. 

'Is that really you?' he asked silently. 'Why are you here? It`s impossible for you to be here'

Oliver studied him in silence too. 

"You don't rest at all" the man said finally with kind smile on his face. 

"So are you" 

"But it was good if you're interested in hearing my opinion" 

Elio parted his lips, getting ready to say something else but he changed his mind, smiling instead. 

"The last one is my favorite piece of 'Pictures at an exhibition'"

"You recognized it?" green eyes crinkled. "You know…I don`t like this part" he teased. 

"Oh, you don't?"

"I don't" 

"Then you managed to hide it very well" Oliver said, looking Elio at the eye and smiled. 

"Thank you"

"So Elio...what about that coffee we talked about earlier?" Oliver asked with a grin. 

"What coffee?"

"You wanted to make me some coffee. Well, I'd drink some"

"That's great. Have a good one, professor" Elio said coyly, standing up. "And I keep revising some more if you don`t mind. I just need to find my notes. They were somewhere here"

"Oh, I`m sure you`ll find them. I have faith in you. Revise well. And when your mentor comes?" 

"In a couple hours. I came here earlier" 

"I see" Oliver nodded. 

Elio liked him this way - it was Monday and he looked well rested and ready to work. The man wore his usual blue shirt and jeans, the Star of David was on its usual place. Elio smiled, thinking about Saturday. Oliver was with his parents, he knew it. 

"You know, I didn`t believe my nephew" Oliver said, coming up to the boy. 

"Huh?"

"When he told me about you, I didn`t believe" he came closer, looking at Elio`s face and making Elio hot. He felt his stomach flipped. What was he doing here? Like the universe didn`t torture him enough. It had to create this massive god who followed his every step. 

"Wha-what did he say?" Elio asked confused.

"He told me that when you play you become a different person. An unknown person. Someone who`s capable to everything" Oliver took his hand to Elio`s cheek, holding it with confidence and determination. 

"Tell me, do you feel that power? That you can get whatever you want. That you are the king of your castle, the king of whole world" 

Elio went silent, concentrating on breathing in and out. His eyes sparkled but he wanted to be indifferent, staying near the man of his every dream. 

"No, I don`t feel this way"

"You don`t tell me the truth, do you? Why are your cheeks so warm? Do you have fever? Or is it the blush?"

"It`s not" Elio tried to protest, feeling familiar scent of Oliver`s body that made everything spinning a bit. 

"It`s ok. You don`t have to worry. I saw the real you. Tell me, when you play, do you feel that you are the only person in the room? That`s right. You are the one that controls everything"

"Am I?"

"You are. With those pretty little fingers of yours you have all the power you want. So what do you want now, precious boy? Now you don`t own your piano, but how about we play something else? Will it be right, how do you think? Will you let me to play you?" Oliver looked the boy in the eye and he saw how pleading they were. "Do I have your permission?"

"Mr. Bergstein, I don`t think…I don`t think it`s right"

"We are the ones who decide what`s right and what isn`t"

"So what?" Elio asked, studying Oliver`s lips. "You think that you can just…you can just…" the man pressed his thighs against Elio`s and the boy forgot what he was about to say. All he felt was his hard on. Oliver rubbed against him, and Elio can`t help moaning. Elio felt so much smaller near the real man.  
Oliver was like an older friend, maybe someone who`ll protect him, Elio thought. 

"Oliver" the boy asked quietly. 

"Yes, boy?"

"Oliver" the boy took his hand up the man`s chest, feeling solid muscles. He was hard and he was here, and everything else didn`t matter. "Kiss me. Please, kiss me"

He didn`t need to ask twice, because the man obeyed right after. Elio grabbed his hair, tasting his lips again, remembering how sort and familiar they were. Oliver pressed him tightly to his body, like he was protecting him from everything that could ever happen. 

"You are so beautiful. My southern dream" the man said pulling back a little. 

"Come here" Elio pulled him as close as he could, grabbing his shoulders and his back. He won`t go anywhere this time. He kissed him like he always wanted – hard and passionate, his tongue pulsed near Oliver`s taking his every bit. Those pale fingers, that played piano so well now stroked Oliver`s back, feeling soft material of his shirt. Finally it wasn`t a dream –he was near him. This arrogant, cold, self-confident man. The man that had a nerve to walk way, to abandon Elio a few days ago. Elio bit his lip hard, wanting Oliver to suffer like he suffered all this time. 

"Oh, baby. Why do you bite? Is it something the good boys do?" 

"What if I want to bite?" Elio asked, breathing near his neck. "Can I bite here? Please"

"You can, but what if you leave a mark? How will I explain that a little demon bit me there? That my cocky little lover wanted to feel my skin with his teeth? Come on, baby don`t wait"

Elio pressed his teeth as hard as he could against this sensitive skin, biting in and sucking hard. He ran his hand against Oliver`s neck, carefully touching a golden Star of David there. Then he continued to kiss and bite his neck, offering big red marks there. 

"Easy, boy. That`s right. Easy. Suck it well, that`s it"

The strong hand leads him lower, where the collar of the shirt will hide his bites. "Let`s make it our secret"

"Bite me too" the boy pleaded in haste. "Mark me, leave something on me, please"

"To ruin this beautiful body of yours? This masterpiece?" the man heard a weak moan so he decided to take the situation to his hands, finding the ends of Elio`s t-shirt. "Take it off, baby. We need to find the place"

"Here"

Oliver padded the boy`s hair when he took off his shirt. The view of this lean, pale, with a slight touch of a tan body made Oliver bent to his knees, kissing Elio`s belly and touching his back. Elio drew this man closer, allowing doing whatever he had in mind. The boy shivered when he felt a warm tongue touching his nipple. He hugged Oliver`s head, bringing him close and Oliver bit him, quickly sucking the flesh afterwards. 

"Oh, Oliver"

Blue eyes landed on green ones and Oliver said: "I will mark you collarbone, my love. No one will see but you`ll feel me there. Stay still and quiet, beauty. We don`t want to get the attention of anyone else, do we?"

"I won`t say a word about it" Elio moaned when he felt lips on his right collarbone. He landed his hands on Oliver`s head and they stayed like this when Oliver sucked a hickey on him. It was a strange feeling – a pain and pleasure combined, feeling of connecting and intimacy with Oliver. He knows when he touches it later it will burn. It will burn like his insides right now, needing Oliver. 

"Beautiful" the man whispered, looking at a bright red skin. "It`s looks like your body is on fire. It feels warm. Do you feel it, beauty?"

"I feel like" Elio stopped, licking his lips. "I feel like I`m yours"

"Come here"

They stood there, embracing one another. The familiar scent, the familiar body surrounded Elio. He didn`t know why Oliver changed his mind and it wasn`t something he cared about. Because when those hands were on his back, when he kissed his lips…it was the answer. Oliver needed him as much as Elio craved to be his. 

The man looked at his face again, silently admiring the boy`s eyes, his nose, the bright red of his lips. 

"So what about that coffee?" the quietness stopped and Elio couldn`t help but smile. 

Oliver let him go slowly, breathing him in for the last time. He handed him the shirt, saying "Come on, young man, I won't wait forever"

"Why?" Elio said offended. 

"Why? Because I want to show you some place cozy. Grab your jacket, there will be raining soon" 

"Oliver? Don't you have students to teach?" Elio asked with a laugh, feeling comfortable enough.

"I sure have. And one of them just doesn’t want to go and study something new. What should I do with him?" 

"I'm going, just wait!" Elio said, laughing. 

"You need some help with your shirt, Mr. Perlman? Are you sure you can take it on yourself?"

"How can I dare to ask for your help, professor? How can I be so self-confident?" 

"Such a polite young man you are. Let`s see what I can do" 

Elio smiled, looking at his shoes and feeling that Oliver takes his shirt to help. 

'I`m so in love with you' 

***

"So tell me, why Mussorgsky?" the question was asked as they got in. 

It was a small little coffee shop near the campus so they had to be careful. It looked like a student and his professor suddenly met. Oliver made Elio brushed his hair, kissed his collarbone through the shirt and hugged him before they left, now they sat almost like strangers, talking about music. 

"I don't know. I just think it fits. All of his music is just logical and you can easily understand it"

Oliver nodded, sipping his hot coffee. Elio liked it white and with lots of sugar, but Oliver preferred it black and strong, no sugar at all. Oliver took him some muffins and milk just in case and Elio couldn`t help but smile watching that he`s trying to be good. 

"You know, when I...no, I don't want to tell you, it's embarrassing" 

"Tell me" Oliver said, sipping his powerful drink. "Come on. I'm interested, tell me"

"When I've heard 'Pictures at an exhibition' for the first time I didn't understand why the part about gnome was so dark and almost disgusting to hear. I`m sure you`ve noticed"

"Right" 

"I only understood it when I've heard the biography of the author"

"Right. I know what you mean because I've had the same thought. Like 'why is the story about magical creature so dark?’. And then it hit me 'it is about the creature. But about a very unhappy one. And the sad one. Maybe the creature that is diseased" 

"I think that the entire suite is the picture of the world. It's the story about a soul that travelled through the world, saw a lot and finally came to the final part"

"The Great Gates" Oliver nodded. 

"To the redemption. To the new beginning maybe"

"Yeah" 

Elio quietly studied Oliver, the way he ate, the way his hands held the mug, the way he leaned a bit forward when he talked to Elio. The boy couldn't understand why it was so usual - to chat now. Like nothing and everything bonded them. He looked at Oliver's lips, unable to grab and kiss them but the fact that he was here with him was enough for some reason. Like their souls finally collided.

"Do you want the chocolate one? I know it’s not like you have back home but they`re quite decent here"

Elio smiled, hiding his gaze. "Yeah, give me one"

"But I want to ask you whether you can share or not. Can you? I want it too, I don`t like blueberry one"

"Then why did you get it if you don`t like it?" 

"I thought you might like it" 

"Well I don`t want it, I want yours"

"You are completely insufferable, aren`t you?"

"So we're not so different, huh?"

"Elio!" the man shouted in a fake outrage. 

"Oliver!"

"Did you know that you were named after a sun God of a Greek origin? After Helios? Or was you named after English Elliot?" the man asked out of the sudden. 

"I don't know. But I like your variations even though I don't know which one I like best" Elio said, fiddling with the muffin. 

"Well if you ask me I like yours. Elio."

"And what is the meaning of your name?"

"Originally I had to be called Abraham, after my grandfather. But he was alive at that time and you know the rules. So I was named after an olive branch" 

"You are an olive branch and I'm Italian? What were the chances?"

'So I'm a sun god and you are the branch that lies upon my head?' Elio thought. 

"I think that's the reason your father asked me to come. Just for me to get back to my roots. Italian ones"

"Tell me about it. I miss home so much"

"What do you miss about it?"

"My family, my friends. The place that I can call my own. You know, just something that is only yours"  
Oliver nodded, allowing Elio to continue.

"I had a place there"

"Oh? You can show me it when we get there. I won`t mind"

So he was going there. Elio felt warm waves washing him near his lungs and heart. He hid his smile with his mug, drinking some more and figuring out what to say next. He wanted Oliver, he was ready to admit that. He imagined the man towering him late at night, when Elio`s parents will be sleeping, kissing him and telling that he loved him back. He wanted Oliver to put his guards down and ask about his childhood, his first kiss, and his dreams. He wanted to be in his dreams. 

"And what made you think that I wouldn`t mind?" Elio clarified slowly.

"I don`t know. Would you?"

"I don`t know" 

"Well it would be a holiday. Will you reject me on Hanukkah? Will you do that?"

Elio smiled, handing Oliver half of the muffin. "I won`t"

"Thank you. So you said you missed Italia… but I hope you accommodated here well?"

"I did"

"You found some friends. Will they go with you, how have you decided?"

"Frankly speaking, I haven`t decided yet. I need to speak to my dad"

"That’s a right thing to do" Oliver nodded. "He is one of the wisest people I know, a person of a great respect"

"I know. So you`ll come…with me?"

"Probably. I hope I will. And you will show me those special places of yours"

"Excuse me?"

"You know, places you can call your own"

"Oh, right" Elio nodded. 

"And who knows, maybe I can show you mine. My places"

"Yes, of course. I`m looking forward to see your places. Mr. Bergstein, I`m sure that your places is on the same level and completely fits mine"

Oliver smiled, looking at his watch. "I should go. Good luck with your Pictures. I hope your professor find it as talented as I did"

"Mr. Bergstein?" a female voice asked suddenly and Elio saw Mrs. Heimert walking up to them. "What a pleasant surprise"

"Good morning, dear"

"And Mr. Perlman? " a woman added, nodding at Elio with fondness. "It`s nice to see you too"

"Good morning, professor"

"So I think we should get going" Oliver clarified as he stood up. "I`ll see you during my lecture, Elio.  
We`ll talk about your problem later"

"Thank you for your help, professor. It`s nice to get it"

Elio looked at Oliver with such a hope and adoration that he missed worried look Mrs. Heimert gave him. He didn`t understand that she knew that look because there was no chance not to know.  
The boy didn`t hear her saying "What are you doing, Oliver?" either. He was too busy falling in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNwOSOrS8mk&t=1261s the inspiration


	9. fortes fortuna adiuvat (fortune favors the brave)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one about Oliver finding his soulmate and Plato`s dialogues

The first thing you need to know – Oliver knew himself. He knew himself, he could think for himself, but when someone he knew and respected asked "What are you doing, Oliver?" he didn`t know what to answer. 

"What am I doing?" he asked simply. They were going at the university so they had some minutes to spare before the studying started. 

"Oliver" Mrs. Heimert said mother-like. "You know I`m not the one to judge"

"And that`s very generous of you. You are very wise woman that I always find admirable"

"Oliver. I just hope you won`t get into troubles"

Oliver looked at her questionably. 

"I say frankly: we all know what is like – to be infatuated with a student. We are professors but nothing human is foreign to us"

"No" he shook his head. "That`s not what`s going on"

"Then what is going on?"

Oliver shrugged, unable to identify. He didn`t know how he felt but he did know that he was the only one who should know about it. He couldn`t share with Roberta any of his concerns because it dealt with Elio too. If it was his problem he could use some pieces of advise, but they had this secret to share so he couldn`t tell anyone. 

"Frankly speaking, I think it`s nothing. You worry over nothing, my friend. I`m not infatuated neither Elio is"

"I`m glad to hear this. We all know that this kind of relationships don`t last"

"You`re right"

"It`s just some kind of a friendship, you may say?"

"Just a student and professor dynamic I think. He loves my subject and I don`t mind. He`s very…intelligent"

"Is he?"  
"He is. He knows a lot, he wants to know"

"And not to say how handsome he is"

Oliver remained silent, offering a polite smile of approval. 

"I just know that you`ll do your best. You won`t let him in too close, will you?"

"I won`t" Oliver said without a flinch. 

"I just don`t want Samuel to worry about his son. And I don`t want to worry about you"

"I don`t think there is a reason to worry. I`m a professional"

"And that`s what I`m worried about. It`s not my business, of course, but don`t you think there is a time for you to find your Mrs. Bergstein? You`re young, but so the girls your age are. Maybe you should look up for someone"

"You think?"  
"I`m sure. Everybody will be delighted if you find your person. The one who fits you" she said pointedly. 

"That`s interesting. I should think about it"

"Just don`t delay for too long. You don`t know where you`ll find this special someone"

Oliver knew what she wanted to hear and was more than pleased to say it. "I think you`re right. Maybe I do need to have someone to bring me hot soup after long day at work. Or maybe some tee" he finished with a smile. 

"Always go for someone who cares about you"

"After you" he said, opening the door. 

"Thank you. Have a nice day, Oliver"

"You too, Roberta"

***

Oliver noticed Elio the next day, standing near the cafeteria with Marzia. 

"Amore, have you slept well?" 

Her skirt was flattering, her hair fell perfectly to the side. Those wavy waterfalls, colored as the finest coffee with no hint of milk.  
Anyone who passed them by had a thought "what a pure luck of the universe those who found each other".

But they didn't notice. Elio was attracted, but not to her. He didn't have to say it out loud, his look gave him away, when he was trying to find somebody else. Someone who colored his collarbone red. Someone, who colored all his life red, burning out his soul and heart. Now he understood that Mark's work wasn't a metaphor after all - he was holding his heart in his hands, but the heart was his. 

"I did, thank you. You look nice today" 

"Grazie. You are the joy"

He answered her in Italian that he's a lucky man. He was lucky in a way - she was one of the best students and he understood it. He really understood it because of her work; by the way she tried so hard to learn. And why didn't he just speak to her - that was the question. He was holding papers for professor Woods and was hoping to see Oliver. He wanted his opinion on things, he wanted to hear him. 

Just his voice, it would be enough. They could speak, they could read, or they just could sit in silence - this would be better that anything that could somebody else say. It didn't deal with intelligence, that was it. It was only connected with something that couldn't be explained in words and letters. 

"You know, I should probably get going" Marzia suggested. "I need to go see professor Kinney anyway. She had some, some" she clicked her fingers, trying to recollect the English equivalent. "some tasks for me to do. Will I see you later tonight?"

"I hope so"

"Ok, see you later. Don't study too hard"

"I won't" Elio smiled, hugging Marzia. "I'll see you later tonight"

When he rushed to professor Woods it wasn`t suspicious. He was just a student who learnt well. They chatted, he shared his ideas and professor said he did a good job. But Oliver was nowhere to be found. Elio walked to their smoking place, walked straight to his office. He wanted to hug him, wanted to feel him near. 

"Elio! Are you coming? Our mentor will go crazy if you won`t"

"I`m coming" he shouted, looking back for the last time.

***

Elio didn`t look up for him before the seminar. He didn`t stand near the auditorium, he came late even. Just to make a statement that he wasn`t obsessed. When he came in, looking best he could, everyone was there. Oliver was about to start so he just went to his place in silence, greeting Marzia. 

"So today we are discussing Plato, aren't we?" Oliver said, looking through the faces of his students. 

From the time of his experience he knew whether the audience liked somebody or not. He could only call out the name to see the reaction. 

"And I want you all to speak your mind. There isn`t a person who doesn`t know who Plato is. We won't cover all today because it's simply impossible. He was too rich, too deep. I just want to have a hint on his thoughts again, to hear which one of them you found the most important. Let's start, let's hear out Yessica with her report"

The girl stood up because Mr. Bergstein asked her to go where she could see everyone. 

"I want to start from his biography"

"That's only way to do it"

Oliver came to the end of the auditorium not to bother the girl. She was worried enough with all of that attention and couldn`t bear any comments from her professor. 

Elio looked at her too, thinking about Plato, about his quotes, about Greece. He was there for a couple times so he recollected some of his own childhood memories and wondered if Oliver was there too. 

He turned around and looked at him. 

"Amore?" Marzia called out suddenly. "Is everything fine?"

"Yeah, my neck stiffed" he said sarcastically. 

"You look like you have a problem with professor. I can see it in your eyes"

He shook his head. "Just worry I won`t get a credit, that`s all"

"If you want I can talk to Oliver. We are close with him"

'Oh, really?' Elio wanted to ask. 

If he didn't know better he would've thought that Marzia hided something from him. But she didn't. She didn't play their game, he knew it. She didn't have a hickey from their professor, she didn't cheat on him. She was a thousand times more decent that any of them could be.

"No, grazie. I will handle it myself"

"Oliver likes it when a student is interested. Probably you can come up to him sometimes to get an extra credit assignment. I've heard that he can get you to retry the whole semester if you don't work hard enough. He's tough"

"Why so?"

"Maybe he just likes his subject to much. And knows it too. I like just to talk to him"

"Perlman" the strict voice called. "Do you have any remarks?" the blue eyes asked when Oliver came closer to them. 

"No" Elio answered with a shrug. "I'm sorry"

He was loosing points and he knew it. So that's why Elio decided to listen closely, and with a little luck of the universe he would have a chance to speak out too. 

"Thank you, Yessica" the familiar voice said. "It was interesting. But tell me what impressed you the most? Not all the authors you mentioned, just you"

"I'm sorry professor"

"No, you was right about going to the library, now we all know something new. But I want to hear you out. So, what was is? What did you find the most relatable?"

The girl`s eyebrows furrowed. 

"The idea of people in a cave I think" she answered.

"That is quite interesting. How do you think, why?"

"Because it felt relatable. Because I thought about it too in some kind"

Oliver nodded in approval. "As usual you fail at disappointing me. Congratulations, come back to your sit. And Perlman, up you go"

Elio felt his smile when he looked at him like a dear on the lightings. 

"Right" the boy muttered. He recovered immediately, not giving an opportunity to Oliver to smile so predator-like. He came up with all the grace he had, walking slowly to where he could see Oliver perfectly well. He wanted the game and he`ll get it. 

"So", the boy started combing his hair. "I want to start from what I find the most interesting. If that's ok"

"Fine by me" Oliver nodded, shrugging. It was almost obvious that he was testing him. 

"Plato being a proud Greece philosopher and a man of letters wrote a lot. I can't even imagine myself trying to cover his important bits, how you so pleasantly suggested at the beginning because it seems impossible to me"

"Right" 

"So I will concentrate only on some of his thoughts. His thoughts about beauty if I can be precise. Hippias Major is always my favorite dialogues"

Oliver smiled, as to say 'Straight to the point, aren`t you?'

"It is my favorite because I thought about it too. What to call beautiful –is a question. I like it because it doesn`t offer any kind of solution. You can read it as a serious philosophical work or as a simple satirical comedy with two actors"

"That`s quite bold of you to say. So reading this dialogue what you decided?" Oliver asked straight to the point. 

"I don`t know. I like the idea that we all call something beautiful-"

"Or fine, as Paul Woodruff translated"

"Right. I like it better when it`s called beautiful. It makes more sense, if you don`t mind of course"

"I don`t, but what would Paul Woodruff say"

Elio smiled, holding Oliver`s gaze. "Anyway. As I was saying, we call something beautiful due to our own taste. All taste differs and of course we can`t put a beautiful girl and a pot on the same level, but we can define ourselves what beautiful is"

"Because it has an emotional attachment? Sometimes the attachment is so subconscious and subtle that you can`t even understand it"

"Right, so you ask yourself: why do I like it? But then, with a cause of time, you can understand. Because your own self found it right"

"And what about doxa? I remind everyone who forgot, doxa is a public minding, and the thing Plato was trying to measure"

"To reach for eudemonia, a fulfillment you can put away doxa I hope. As Seneca put it: sometimes even to live is an act of courage"

Oliver remained silence, as all auditorium was. Everyone darted their eyes between Oliver and Elio. 

"Well, Mr. Perlman, do you remember his other dialogue?" Oliver asked then. 

"Which one, professor?"

"Phaedrus, if I may remind you"

"It`s a great dialogue, if I can judge it by my measures. Which bit are you hinting on?"

"Actually I hint on a very beginning. First speech of Socrates, the speech about love"

"I remember"

"Do you remember, Mr. Perlman, that there are two kinds of man – the one that desire beauty and the one that pursues what is best"

Elio nodded. 'Please, continue'

"Different desires can lead to different things and we don`t have a straight answer what is right and what is wrong again. But there is a point about the matter: we should do what is right not only to us but to the subject of out desire too"

"I agree. We should do what is best. But I think we can`t be wrong when we love someone. We know what is best for someone we love"

"Or we think we know. But what Plato thought?"

"Plato thought that true love is admiration. He said that wisdom starts with owning up to ignorance, and I can say that I don`t know much"

"Everyone should try to look nearer to the true mature of being; there is no shame of not knowing"

'And do you think you don`t know?' Elio asked silently. 

'Maybe I do' the man answered when he looked down. 

"Ok, so that was a good example of Socratic dialogues" Oliver said loudly, clapping his hands. "It was performed divinely thanks to Mr. Perlman. You can go back to your place. Marzia, you`re the next"

Elio looked at him again, touching his lips and neck with his glance. He smiled, feeling Oliver`s smile too. 

***

Oliver was working as usual, sitting at his desk, writing. His head was titled down to see better, his shoulders were solid and stiff. He almost missed the knock on the door, barely noticeable at the beginning. 

"Open" he said immediately. 

He looked up, meeting familiar green. Elio was standing in front of him, he came here without an invitation and without a doubt. Somehow Oliver knew he`d come. 

"Good evening, professor" Elio said, coming up slowly. "I came here to return the book you gave me"

"You are?" 

"I`ve read it. Thank you" 

"Wait" the man's voice said suddenly. "Close the door. Two turns of the key" 

"What for, may I ask?"

"Just for us to discuss everything in private" the man said, shrugging. 

Elio yields with no second of hesitation, fingering the keys behind him and turning the lock. It felt like the  
rest of the world vanished, leaving Elio with Oliver alone. 

"Good, thank you. I need to finish this" the man continues indifferently. "Come here" he adds. 

"I'm here" Elio says because he's nervous. He didn't know if he was suitable here but now, standing in front of this man's desk he can't help wondering what to do next. 

Oliver stands up, shutting his notes and slowly comes up to him. The boy feels like he is all a piece of ice cream left on the sun that tingles and is ready to melt. 

"What is it, baby? Did you come here to talk? And I thought you told me everything for today"

Elio hid his eyes, avoiding looking at dark blue. He felt a palm turning his face around by the chin and holding hard. "Answer me boy. I want to hear the truth. Why did you come?"

Elio doesn't know what to do. "I didn't come to talk"

"What for then? I may get in trouble having you here. Tell me one reason you should stay"

"Maybe...maybe this" with braveness of a lion Elio gets on his knees in front of his professor. 

He didn't believe himself, because he couldn't do this for anyone before. But with Oliver it was the most natural thing ever. 

"Go on, kitten" the man commands. "You can undo my pants right now. If that's what you want"

His hands touches a rough material of his professor's jeans in their fronts. He wants to cry because he doesn't know how to undo somebody else's pants. So he hugs Oliver's hips instead, breathing in the material and feeling up his legs. 

"I can`t" 

He feels a hand, stroking his hair. 

"You can. That's ok, love. You'll get used to it. I'll show you everything. Come on, let me go. I'll help you" 

Elio slowly let go and he sees Oliver undoing his jeans, letting Elio to take them off. 

"That's right, you're doing everything right. What do you want, little boy? You want my cock stuffed this little mouth of yours? I see what I can do"

Elio simply nods, unable to say the word. His own cock twitches from the thought that he finally can do whatever he wants, the man was right it front of him. 

"Will you be my baby tonight? My precious boy, will you be my brave little kitten?"

"Please" Elio meows.

"I want you to take off my underwear. Do you see? That's what in need of your attention"

"I want to..." Elio tries.

"What do you want?"

"I want to be good for you, professor"

"I'll feel better if you take it in your hand, lovely. Feel it"

It was almost unreal how this cock suited Oliver. It was hard, solid and warm. He carefully strokes it, feeling the shaft slightly moves up and down. Elio's mouth waters.

"Can I please take it?"

"Can I please take it, sir?" Oliver says calmly yet confident. The same tone that he used in lectures, just for students to learn the material. 

"Sir" the boy tries. "Can I take it into my mouth?"

"Go for it, pet. Come on, take it"

He licks the edge, feeling the pleasant weight in his tongue. Oliver moans as he feels the boy tries to take him right to his throat. 

"You'll choke, baby" the man tries, but his hands are clapped away with Elio's. 

The boy is determined that he can do it. He can do everything from the first time even if his eyes waters. He simply closes them, concentrating on the subject. His throat is on fire but he calms down only when he got the stomach with his nose. 

"Fuck, Elio"

The boy tries to slightly laugh, but he is stopped by Oliver's hand on his throat. Oliver pushes up and down, trying out his warm mouth. 

Elio coughs, pulling slightly away from his goal. 

"Come on, rest a bit, pet. We have all the time of the universe"

'We don't. I want you now.'

Elio comes back, giving all of him, licking and sucking on something he truly wanted. He wanted to feel Oliver come when he'll take him deep enough, and when he do, Elio knows he'll swallow. 

"Fuck, baby. You're so good"

'I want to be good'

Oliver doesn't spare him, taking his mouth not like a virgin he was but in a professional pace, forcing him to speed up. Elio feels like the cock is hurting his throat, but he doesn't stop. He just can't, feeling both of professor's hands on the back of his head. 

"You look pretty. Look at me, love, I want to see your face"

And his face was beautiful. Those attentive eyes of his were looking with dizziness and pleasure, the cheeks hollowed and the mouth. The mouth was dripping with spit and precome. 

Elio cries too, looking at Oliver. He finally was in the place he dreamt about. He was servicing up his strong, beautiful lover. 

"Kitten, I feel I'm gonna come. Shit, baby. You think you gonna handle me? Or will you lick it up your hands?" 

Elio put away, jerking him off and saying "Come into my mouth, sir. I'll handle it"

"You're so good" Oliver almost screamed with pleasure, letting go, when his boy sucked out his sperm, taking it all into his lips. 

"Don't swallow, kitten" Oliver said with a slight smile. "Come. Come share, baby, I want to kiss you"

Elio held his mouth closed, coming up. He closed his eyes, kissing Oliver and dripping with semen. It  
went to Oliver's mouth, his neck, his shirt was ruined. It didn't matter because Oliver embraced his skinny shoulders right after, whispering "You were magnificent. Such a performance, love. I can't imagine anyone else. So good, so good"

"Thank you"

They kissed openly, tongues dancing around each other when Oliver pushed the boy gently on his desk. 

"So baby. Let me see what the fuss is all about"

"Oliver, don`t"

"That's ok, love, that's ok"

Elio tried and failed to hold back from Oliver who was taking off his shorts and his underwear all at once.

"Can I take care? I want to milk out this beautiful piece of you in my mouth, can I?"

"I-I don't know"

"You have nothing to worry about, little boy. I can take care. See, I'll just take it into my mouth like this" he said, taking him in at one titled motion. "And then"

"Oh my God!" the boy suddenly shouted. He felt his dick being taken with a force he couldn't imagine. He had to grab Oliver by his head, stopping him from working so good and fast. Elio needed an adaptation with the way Oliver made him feel.

"Oli-Oliver"

"Hmm?" the man asked without a delay. 

"Oliver"

His brown hair with a hint of sun-kissed ends was working back and forth and then Elio meowed the loudest Oliver reached out and squeezed his neck. 

'I don't need my breathing you can take it'

Elio saw stars when Oliver barely took him, working as careful as he could. And when the boy came, he stayed close, holding his hips and taking him deeper. 

When Elio finally opened his eyes he was met with a grin, blue eyes were looking at him gladly. 

"Magnificent, baby. Best boy I've ever met"

Elio covered his face in hands, silently screaming. He just came into professor's mouth. He was pleased by Mr. Bergstein's hands and mouth. And the most incredible - Mr. Bergstein's come was still in his mouth somehow. He laughed. Oliver laughed too. 

They looked at each other. 

"How will I go home with all of this?" Elio asked, nodding at his ruined shirt. 

"I'll give you a ride"

"You can't" Elio said, still laughing. 

"Why is that?"

"You'll get fired if someone sees you with me"

"You seems like a grown-up of the two of us, Perlman" Oliver said without covering gentleness in his voice. He stared at the boy's face openly now, remembering his big eyes and charming little nose of his. 

"Let`s go though. I can't let you go on the streets looking like this. Because I don't want to"

"I said you needed to work some more?"

"I did" Oliver said, a hint of understanding in his eyes. "But I`ll do it first thing tomorrow morning"

"Do you promise?"

"I do"

"Let`s go then" Elio said confidently. 

He knew he could go whatever Oliver wanted now. He looked in his face and for the first time didn`t see tiredness or amount of work he was thinking about. The man was here and now, kissing Elio again like he did, it seemed, it for a thousand times before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you guys so much! thank you for all the kind words and kudos, you`re the best <3


	10. interludium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one with sapere aude invitation

Tomorrow came with its prosaic inevitability. Yesterday and its wet noises, yesterday and its burning touches, yesterday and its uncertain phrases that probably didn`t mean much – it was all over now. 

Elio knew it was over even before he got up. Lying in bed and hearing his roommate getting up, the feeling of emptiness didn`t occur in the boy or maybe it was something he buried down his soul intentionally. 

Now Elio knows what he has to do. He dresses himself up, avoiding the hickey under his chest, takes a shower, letting the smell of Oliver and himself wash away in a sink, has breakfast, without letting the thought: 'Is Oliver having breakfast with someone else now?' disturb him.

He just wants to see him. Yesterday he let his guards down maybe for the first time in his life, for the first time he didn`t think and rethink about something and just did the action. From the one hand, he could blame Oliver for commanding him, who guided through physically, but from the other – when at the end Oliver whispered him goodnight, Elio knew, he just knew that the man truly wanted him to stay too, without any other thought back his mind. 

That is why, combing his hair and figuring out what to wear, talking to Jack and laughing at his jokes, Elio is confident. 

With these thoughts he meets Mark near the campus. 

"Hey, Elio. I wanted to give you this myself" Mark says, handing him some colorful piece of paper proudly. It says ‘Sapere aude’ and nothing more, the head of deer drawn under. 

"Thank you. Should I ask what is it?"

"Oh, I will tell anyway. That`s your lucky day. Sapere aude is" he stops, thinking of appropriate word. "A club of a sort"

"Yeah? What kind of club?"

Mark stops, not sure what to say. Seeing this, Elio smiles a bit, saying: 

"It`s just for me to be prepared"

"Yeah, right. Well, it`s a literature club, I can say. An art club. Maybe art in different meanings. I was thinking maybe you wanted to step by sometimes. Just if you have a vacant night and your fingers will be tired of playing"

Elio titles his head joyfully. 

"Thank you. I will consider joining. I am tired sometimes"

"On the other side of paper there is my number, you can call me, it`s not a big deal but our meetings always takes place in different locations"

"I don`t know for to clarify this matter" Elio reacts with a laugh. 

"It`s nothing serious at all, I promise. It`s just that we don`t have new members usually and the rest of us knows where to go"

"That`s intriguing. And the fact that you invited me is intriguing too, I must say"

They are standing in the hall, looking at each other. Elio looks at his so Oliver-like eyes, notices the neat straight nose, his pink smiling lips. He steps closer and it makes Mark step closer too.

"I want to ask you something"

"Yeah?" Elio whispers carefully. 

"I know it`s unexpected, but can I draw you one more time?" 

Elio looks at him surprised. 

"I can`t explain it. I just feel the inspiration of drawing you. Only if you want to"

"If it can help you I want to"

"Do you want to help me?"

"I want to be helpful for you"

"You will be if you just let me" Mark smiles coyly. 

"How can I let you, if I don`t know what it will be?"

"You don`t know?"

"You are the painter"

"Someday a good one, I hope"

"Good one, I`m sure. Now I should leave you because your uncle doesn`t like it when I`m late"

"He really doesn`t. You should go. I should too because our professor…won`t say a thing if I`m late, but I want to support your attitude and don`t be"

Elio laughs, rushing to philosophy’s auditorium. If somebody ask him, he won`t admit that his heart skips a beat just when he thinks of seeing Oliver there. Of course he is there, standing being ready to give his students everything, looking fresh with no hint of tiredness or weakness. His pale blue barely meets green when Elio opens his mouth to speak. 

"Good morning" the boy says softly. 

"Good morning"

Elio wants to hug him, he wants to play him his favorite suite again and again. He wants to have this billowy shirt of Oliver`s just to sniff it in sometimes. 

"We`re about to begin. Please, have a sit, Mr. Perlman" the tone was cold, but Elio knew that he couldn`t be any less of it in his heart. 

"Good morning" the man said cheerfully to the students, causing everyone to pay attention.  
"Today we're working on Diogenes the Cynic, aren't we?" 

Everybody nods as Mr. Bergstein turns around to write philosopher’s name on the board in ancient Greek. It was one of those quirky ideas of his - letting students know how the name was written originally. Oliver turns around and looks through the auditorium, asking some students his questions. He looks better than usual with that neat hairstyle of his or maybe Elio just imagines this. 

"So tell me, what is the trait that makes Diogenes himself? I know that a lot of you were waiting impatiently when we start to talk about him. Well, I took it in consideration. Please, Rebecca, let`s start with you"

Rebecca started on Diogenes and Elio started to look like he was listening. It was impossible, because Oliver decided to stand by him most of the time, bringing his delicious thighs closer to the boy. If they were alone, Elio would`ve gotten on his knees, losing his pride and Oliver`s pants. Elio smirks about this pun, looking up to the man. 

Oliver was listening to the answers when Elio saw the quick glance he gave him. 

'No Marzia today?' it almost said in dare, forcing Elio to shrug. He didn`t feel like spending himself now, the energy he has to share is too limited to be spent on lots of people, that`s why Elio didn't have a choice but to reject. 

"Mr Bergstein" some girl suddenly shouts out. Sarah, Elio remembers.

"Yes?" the deep voice reacts. 

"I wanted to ask you - what do you think about the work of Sayre Farrand?"

"Oh, such a fruitful work! For those who haven't got an opportunity, I recommend to look through his work on Diogenes. Thank you for mentioning it. Sarah, am I correct?"

"You are, professor" the girl says gently with a light smile. 

Oliver lets the students proceed with their reports until he comes to Sarah again, saying: "If you need more on Diogenes, I can recommend you where it's better to look for"

"I will gladly accept your help, Mr. Bergstein" 

And Elio will gladly look somewhere else. So he looks at the card Mark gave him, deciding that he can really use the night off with his friends and him. Just the fact that Oliver is here doesn`t change Elio`s free will. He can do whatever he likes with his time, just like Oliver prefers.  
And when Oliver says 'that's it for today, thank you', Elio rushes to go. He doesn't want to speak. But then he sees her – Sarah Goldenbaum, one of the best solfeggio students, Elio thinks with a hint of jealousy. 

"I`m sorry, are you Elio? " she asks. 

"Yeah"

"I wanted to ask you whether you can give me your notes on this subject, I didn`t do much myself and now I regret it"

She straightens her red wavy hair in what seems to be seductive way, and the boy gives her this meaningful stare of his on her breasts just to appreciate her try. The girl wasn`t bad, he can`t deny. Maybe he was being too hard on her. 

"I`m sorry, I don`t have mine neither. I`m audial, what can I say. Maybe you can ask Mr. Bergstein to give you some literature he was using, it should help" 

"Maybe that`s the way, thank you"

Elio nods, deciding that the conversation is over. But then he hears that she goes along and wonders:

"Do you have Professor Lerner now too?"

"A-ha. He is this bondage that we all can`t put off"

"I like him, to be honest. He taught me something I was really missing because I was taught to play in a very early age. So he just made me recollect all the important stuff with such an ease"

"I like Professor Heimert more. She just has this passion that I wish I had when I play"

"Maybe it comes with age"

"Maybe she`s born with it, maybe it`s the years of training" she adds and that makes Elio laugh even if he decided not to. 

Sarah gives him a friendly smile, going along in silence. It wasn`t oppressive silence, Elio thinks. It felt natural. 

***

After all, there is no place like home, so Elio just goes to the library. He takes the first book he lays his eyes upon – some novel by Somerset Maugham and forgets about the rest of the world. There is something in being alone sometimes, but not lonely altogether and Elio knew how to use it. He just likes having these mental conversation with Jean-Paul Sartre, La Rochefoucauld or Wilde, admiring the sense of humor of Jerome K. Jerome or wit of Chekhov. Now he was talking to Maugham and observing his view of life, art, and women. 

He was interrupted only once – when the chair cheeked and Oliver nodded him hello. He had his books on the table so he was here to work, Elio figured. 

Half an hour passes. 

Oliver takes out pen and paper to write out something out his book and he starts writing with a straight face. Elio observes it quickly before he gets back to his book. 

Half an hour passes. 

Elio can`t help but giggle when he reads something funny and looks over to Oliver just to find that he was already looking at him. He wants to write out what he was giggling about so he just does. He watches how Oliver quickly runs over the text and smiles too, looking back at Elio.  
Half an hour passes.

Elio decides that it will be it for today and closes his book. He wonders if Oliver is finished too. When he goes to return the book, he can`t help but wishes he is finished too. 

Professor Bergstein`s voice behind him says: 

"Thank you, Margaret" to the librarian. He hands his books as well. 

The door is open and they goes outside without a word. Elio looks at him timidly out of the sudden. 

"Here you go" Oliver says finally, cutting through the silence. 

Elio wants to smile when he sees the same card Mark gave him in the morning. 

"Sapere aude?"

"You might find it interesting. It`s a literature club, Mark runs it"

Elio looks at the card once again, not knowing what he should say about it. 

"I do, thank you" emerald eyes slowly study the paper. "I`m not sure I'll join though" 

"Huh?" 

"I don't read a lot" Elio says with a shrug. "And the only poet I find resemblance to is Arthur Rimbaud"

"I see" Oliver said, looking at him simply, without anything more than teacher's curiosity and politeness. 

"And modern ones are just a joke" Oliver says just to have the impact to the conversation. "But maybe, just maybe you can change your mind if you come"

"Maybe"

"Mark likes you. He wants you to come around" 

"Hm?"

"Maybe you should get to know him better, he`s a nice person"

Elio`s heart moves strangely, as if someone had softly dipped a sharp knife into it. He shouldn`t react like this, it`s just a small talk, but there is a tint of sadness on Elio`s face that he can`t hide well enough and he stops, looking on this shoes. He wants to ask but he can`t find the words. And a lump in his throat doesn`t help as well. 

"Elio?" Oliver says in confusion, coming up. The boy shrugs. "Elio?" he tries again. 

Oliver looks at him and raise his hand to stroke his cheek suddenly. Elio doesn`t know why he does what he does afterwards because he imagined his behavior in such a case completely different. The sob caught his throat. He didn`t know why, maybe because he was shy and lonely (even though he wasn`t at most of the time), or maybe because he couldn`t handle it any longer, but he started crying. 

"I`m-I`m sorry" he was trying to pull himself together but the tears poured out of his eyes and ran down the cheeks. 

Oliver quietly gasped watching the boy. 

"Come here" he whispered. 

"No, I`m fine"

Oliver shakes his head, coming up and taking Elio to his arms. He places his palms on the boy`s hair, pushing him gently towards his chest. 

"Haim sheli, calm down. Katani" Oliver whispers without thinking. Katani – little one – Elio smiles because his mother calls him that. 

"My mother calls me piccino. Little one, from Italian" he mutters at Oliver`s chest. They are at the middle of the street, Elio thinks abstractedly. 

"She is right about that" Oliver says gently. He strokes Elio`s hair, pulling him closer. "Maybe you are ready to go have a cup of tea? Or something? Coffee? Do you want coffee, hamud?"

"Lo" Elio answers in Hebrew too. He doesn`t move. 

"It`s ok, we will just go somewhere, ok?"

Elio pulled back to look at the man. Pale blue were so bright they looked like sky. Oliver was so close, his smell of cigarettes and cologne was wrapping around Elio completely. There was a desire to sniff him in right now, pulling the nose in the crook of his neck. 

"I don`t want to go" Elio says instead. 

"Ok"

"I need to be at the dorm now, Jack is waiting for me" he says it so confidently as if it was the truth. 

Oliver nods with his lips curled. He turns around to go, when Elio shouts after him. 

"Yes?"

"I…I just wanted to say. That was a good lecture today"

Oliver doesn`t answer. He looks at Elio and Elio knows that no one will look at him this way ever again. It was the look of an equal, the whole universe and he himself was hidden in this look. 

"You are the one who can mix grapevine with strawberries, aren`t you?" Oliver says. "I love The Moon and Sixpence too, by the way. Tell me more when you finish it"

Elio nods. 'Please, don`t go'. He comes closer, but sees that he shouldn`t do this. 

"I will"

Deep green meets blue and Oliver removes strands of hair from Elio's face with his fingers. 

"Study well" Oliver says and goes away.


End file.
